


Silently I Dream of You

by thekeyholder



Category: Muse (Band)
Genre: Adopted Sibling Relationship, Alternate Universe - Brothers, Alternate Universe - Teenagers, Angst, Big Bang Challenge, Bullying, Hurt/Comfort, M/M, Past Abuse, Past Violence, Secret Relationship
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2016-07-22
Updated: 2016-07-24
Packaged: 2018-07-26 01:54:25
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 13
Words: 31,826
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/7555576
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/thekeyholder/pseuds/thekeyholder
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Matt's parents are constantly adopting foster kids. Matthew doesn't normally get along with them, often feeling left out that his parents don't spend as much time with their biological son as they should. However, one day, Matthew's parents bring home Dom, a 15/16 year old (same age as Matt) who Matt begins to become attracted to, even though the world and 'their' parents regard them as brothers.</p>
            </blockquote>





	1. I don't belong here

**Author's Note:**

> This is the only finished story that I haven't imported over from LJ, simply because it has many chapters and I'm lazy. xD
> 
> It was written for the Muse Big Bang event in 2011. A list of the soundtrack for every chapter you can find [HERE](http://dreamsandroses.livejournal.com/611.html). Hope you enjoy! 
> 
> Beautiful banner made by [recordmachined](http://archiveofourown.org/users/recordmachined/pseuds/recordmachined).

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> We meet the Bellamys.

“Maya, would you please clear the table? Robert! Freddie! Take out the garbage, please! Don’t forget to change your clothes after that, all right?”

Fantastic. That’s Mum’s over-excited voice, giving orders to anyone her eyes set on. This is the reason why I hided with a novel in the balcony, I don’t want to take part in the bustle that’s going on in the whole house. I draw in, curling into a small ball in the comfortable basket-chair that we inherited from Grandma.

“Ah, here you are!” Mum sighs with relief behind my back as she finally finds me.

Great… I roll my eyes before turning to face her, not surprised at all when she commands me to go upstairs and help Bianca tidy up her room and dress her elegantly, urging me to do the same. I express my boredom by pulling faces and to my surprise, Mum doesn’t cuff me or pull my ears for my cheeky gesture but instead softly ruffles my black locks and tries to persuade me with the kind tone of her voice:

“Matthew, sweetie, I know that it’s hard for you, going through this trying process again and again, but you can’t deny that it is for the better. Just look at your brothers and sisters, they have a home and a loving family because your Dad and I adopted them. I’m hopeful that we can raise one more child and I count _especially on you_ that he or she will feel like a real member of the family.”

How could I respond to that? Now you all must think that my parents are noble to adopt children, to care for and love them like their own but believe me, being their own child is much worse. I schlep upstairs, heading to Bianca’s room. Actually Bianca is my only foster-sibling with who I get on with. I knock on the white wooden door before entering and her high-pitched voice calls out immediately:

“Come in, Matty!”

She’s the only one allowed to call me that way; honestly, I allow her many more things than I allow my other siblings, even though she’s the “newest” child around here. Sitting on the edge of her bed, she looks in my direction and smiles silently with her eyes closed. Bianca hardly ever opens them because she doesn’t actually need them. She’s blind.

If you’re wondering, I’m not nice to her because of her disability. This little five-year-old girl is no less valuable than others because of her blindness and if a stranger enters her room he wouldn’t see any giveaway that she is visionless. Every small object is in its perfect place and I feel incredibly ashamed as I remember the state in which I left my room in the morning. I’m hiding my blushing cheeks with my cold palms, even though there’s no need to do so.

“Mum said I should dress you in something elegant. Do you have a preference or can I choose anything from your wardrobe?” I ask while stroking her peach-like cheeks which redden gradually under my fingertips.

“What are you going to wear, Matty? Maybe we could sport the same colour?” she asks hopefully.

“Sure, sweetie,” I respond as I step up to look through her tiny pieces of clothing, deciding for a white dress and a very soft, teal cotton sweater which would enhance her pale complexion. Bianca averts her face while I’m changing her clothes in spite the fact that I’ve done it several times in the past. Some would say that she’s very shy but I would rather call her chaste. Maybe she’s even too pure for our family, who knows?

I lead her to the stool in front of the large mirror and I start brushing her long, dark hair which looks like flowing chocolate. I bet that most of my pals would make fun of me if they knew, but I love running my fingers through people’s hair, touching and unravelling the soft strands. Bianca’s hair has bewitched me completely; for example I’ve never ever brushed Maya’s, my first foster-sister’s, hair. The reason is very simple: Maya’s beautiful curls are black and I can’t really stand black hair anymore. You’ll see why. At least Bianca’s dark brown tufts are unique in my family circle.

After a few minutes, I leave her alone to “tidy” my room. Yes, tidy in quotation marks because I just gather the pants and t-shirts which are scattered around the room and throw them lazily in my cupboard. What do you actually expect from a sixteen year old boy?! For my sister’s pleasure, I search my teal shirt and button it quickly. My hair also probably needs some brushing, but I just use my fingers to put it straight.

I’m descending the stairs arm-in-arm with Bianca when the long-awaited doorbell rings. Mum opens the door in a second and she’s all smiles for the person on the outside. The visitor is Sally, the social worker who has supervised all the adoptions; therefore, she has known me since I was three years old. Everybody feels comfortable around her by now, only Mum looks cramped and emotive which makes me roll my eyes. I want to rock a huge flag in front of her face with the following text written on it: “HELLO! THIS IS JUST ANOTHER ADOPTION!”

I wonder where my sudden outburst of anger came from as we all sit down in the large living-room. Of course, Sally got the most comfortable armchair while Mum is sitting opposite her, we, the kids, packed on the sofa which is placed between them. At first, Mum smiles awkwardly while wringing her small hands and it’s clear to everybody how nervous she is. Sally tries to calm her by asking questions about us, our summer holiday and finally noticing that she hasn’t seen Luna, our golden Labrador, yet.

“Oh, George is at the vet with her! Poor Luna, she probably has a stomach infection,” Mum answers hurriedly, “By the way, would you like something to drink? Coffee, tea or orange juice?” she makes a sign to Maya with her eyes, and my sister literally flies to the kitchen. She returns in a few minutes with a trail full of delicious cookies, biscuits, juice and coffee. Ah, the Bellamy family truly wants to impress Sally, though she should already know that adopted children have a good life here.

To prove myself right, I’ll just describe briefly what I see around me: in the middle, Mum is sitting on her armchair while Maya offers her a glass of juice with a fake smile. Oh, I forgot to tell you, she’s recently started modelling and it made her even more full of herself. Admittedly, she’s beautiful and gorgeous; she’s taller than anybody in the family and has blue eyes and curly, black hair but good looks don’t empower one to act like a bitch with their brothers.

Let’s move further…

On my left, the two biggest imps on the world are trying to control themselves during Sally’s visit, but with little success. Freddie and Robert are twins and their adoption process went much smoother because apparently if you decide to adopt siblings, you are favoured. My ten-year old brothers are mischievous and brazen, their minds always coming up with devious plans; for example in January they put a snowball in my school-bag. Yeah, you can imagine the horror look on my face when I got home… I’m very tempted to scrag them or to pull out their black hair. Yes, they also have black hair and also blue eyes, just like me… it’s fantastic, isn’t it?! They are a bit chubby but it’s still weird to see my clones running up and down in the house. How nice that Sally’s just signed the papers so my parents can adopt the next _Matthew Bellamy clone_!

I ponder over my parents’ stupid request of foster-children having the same characteristics as us. They shouldn’t mind that aspect unless they want people to believe that they are biological children as well. Sally is already in the hall, putting on her jacket and whispering something to Mum. I sneak close to them; I can’t help it, but my curiosity is beyond the normal levels and anyway, I love to eavesdrop the grown-ups’ conversations because I usually hear interesting things. It’s not different now:

“… your family is highly appreciated and we would like to entrust you with the upbringing of a … well, of a more _complicated_ child, if I can say so. Would you undertake it?” Sally asks in a hushed voice.

Mum couldn’t be happier and assures the social worker that the whole family would be _delighted_ to help another poor soul. Yeah, Mum, speak on your behalf, ok? I don’t want another pain in the ass. Sally reveals further details:

“I think I already know who I will recommend to the committee. This child is different from the ones you have adopted before but I believe that with love and patience you will gain another precious member of the family, Mrs. Bellamy.”

 

I snort silently and watch with a contorted face as the two woman kiss each other’s cheek and Sally leaves hurriedly to the next family. I’m about to turn and head to the kitchen but suddenly I fall on my face, accompanied by the irritating laughing and mocking of Freddie and Robert. If I’m not mistaken, the whole family laughs at this rinky-dink trick and once again I’m discredited, my status of being the oldest and most respected progeny in the Bellamy house long-forgotten. _Thank you, idiots! I would torture you all day, from sunrise to sunset until you would cry with blood and beg for mercy, promising to venerate me until the day you die!_

I wish I could have the power and bravery to voice my previous thoughts because right now I’m a ridiculous mess in the middle of the room and I see my embarrassed expression reflected in too many pairs of eyes. I get up as fast as I can; I grab hold of a vase, and throw it against the wall before running upstairs in a flash, slamming the door to show my anger and frustration.

I can’t remember which writer or philosopher said that you can feel lonely even if you are surrounded with people. How very true and I want to escape from here… I fling myself on the bed with loud rock music blasting in my earphones and I shut off the nightmare I’m living in, together with the unbearable feeling that I don’t belong here, I don’t belong to this family. Sometimes I would wonder if I’m the natural child indeed, or maybe I was found on the street, or aliens dropped me on the roof of the Bellamy house and whatnot. The bitterness inside me escapes through tiny, salty drops which spring from my eyes and their slow flowing on my cheeks, lips and pillow lull me to a dreamless sleep.


	2. The New Sibling

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> A new character makes their appearance; I'm sure you can guess who it is.

I’m just about to reach my house and I must confess I’m really grateful for that because I had an exhausting and nerve-wracking day at school. Yes, that horrible thing started two days ago and we’re already flooded with various assignments and homework. It seems that I’m the first one at home which is really weird because I thought that Mum should already be here.

I grab a bottle of water and slump into the couch, my only wish being to fuse with the serenity of the bright living room which on other occasions would surely be boisterous and noisy, but is currently quiet. Luna, our dog, joins me in the relaxation. I don’t even notice, but I fall in a catnap, only realising that I fell asleep when Mum wakes me up by moving about in the room.

“Unghhh, Mum, what are you doing?” I ask in a sleepy voice while leaning my elbows on the backrest of the couch.

“Oh, hello sleepyhead!” she giggles softly, rearranging a few things on the shelves. “Did you forget that our new family member is arriving today?!” a look of horror and disbelief creeping on her face.

I growl with annoyance and if it weren’t for my laziness I would have got to my feet long ago, ha ha! But right at that moment the doorbell rings and I know there’s no escape; I have to face my new sibling. A sudden rush of alertness, and even curiosity, invades my veins as the door opens ever so slowly… I see Sally’s figure and I’m waiting for the appearance of a kid with black hair who is blatting childish things until he/she muddles one’s brains. Sally takes one step to the right, so I’m facing the newcomer and I can’t help but gasp at what I see. My expectations for a kindergarten-aged clone of myself are broken; I wonder if this is not a dream or a joke but the other people in the room seem very real.

I peer curiously at the boy who looks like close to my age and is fumbling with his coat zipper; after half a minute he glances up at me and I realize that he is completely different from us. Mum and Sally’s chattering becomes only a background-noise while I study closely the longish, blonde tufts which frame a face that is shapely, although his cheeks are sunken and his clothes hang loosely on him. Orphanages aren’t famous for huge rations of food, right? No worries, he will gain a few pounds during his stay at us.

Our gazes meet again in the next second and for an unknown reason my heart starts beating faster. I can’t look away from his dusky green eyes which look like they would be always moistened by tears. I can see my reflection in his orbs and I feel like I’m looking into a mysterious lake from a fairy tale. Their colour fascinates me; it’s like the fog which envelops mountain peaks on chilly mornings. Mum nudges me and I collect myself enough to stutter my name and the usual “Welcome to our family!” bla bla. A barely audible voice responds:

“Thank you. My name is Dominic Howard.”

We shake hands and I notice that his hold is quite frail, like he doesn’t want to touch me at all. I hope it’s because we’ve just met for the first time and not because I’m such a repulsive guy. I admit, I look weird, but he shouldn’t judge by externals because he doesn’t shine himself either! Before we can make the next movement, Mum butts in shamelessly:

“Oh, Dominic, dear, we are so happy to have you here! I’m sure you will love your new family because we already love you!” she reaches out to pinch his cheeks (something she usually does to the twins) but Dominic draws away from Mum’s touch.

I narrow my eyes at the weird scene and Mum looks hurt until Sally interrupts the awkward moment. She invites Mum to a private conversation in the kitchen because they also have to finish the paperwork, so I’m left alone in the living room with this weird creature Dominic. I tell him casually to have a seat on the big sofa and he obliges, although he huddles himself up in the corner, trying to take up as little space as possible. Jeez, he really isn’t used to luxury, is he?

I sit down on the armchair opposite Dominic, never taking my eyes off of him and hoping that he will raise his shy gaze from the ground, but I actually find myself almost looking under his fringe and I have to keep myself from reaching out my hand and touch his cheeks. He is playing with something in his hand; it looks like a keychain but before I could distinguish its shape, he hides it in his fist. The silence between us is getting more and more awkward and I shuffle my feet in embarrassment. I open my mouth but I can’t find the right words to address him, so I close it quickly before making a complete fool of myself. What should I start to talk about? School? Nah, boring subject… Asking basic information about him? What if he feels like he’s at an interrogation? Maybe I should find out his hobbies? God, this is extremely sticky!

As I’m looking around for an inspiring theme of discussion, Luna plods into the room, walks up lazily to Dominic, and hops on the couch beside him. The boy instinctively touches the golden fur and Luna, being such a sucker for strokes, cuddles up to him. He dedicates his whole attention to the dog, MY dog; he even puts his head on Luna’s back, holding her tightly. What, is that a small smile playing on his lips?! This is ridiculous, I can’t pry anything out of him and the family pet makes him smile? I pout and fold my arms protectively; in the next moment Mum comes back with Sally who says goodbye to us.

Mum is grinning from ear to ear when she joins us, but I have a bad feeling about it.

“Matthew…” she says, and the tone of her voice proves me right. I know then that she’s going to ask me to do something. Something unpleasant.

“Yes, Mum” I respond.

“Would you show your room to Dominic? You two are going to share yours, isn’t that lovely? You’ll be like real brothers!” Mum chirps joyfully.

I look at Mum with eyes that are widened with disbelief and I form a silent but categorical ‘NO’ with my mouth. I… I can’t believe it! My parents haven’t told me anything about this; we had a kind of agreement that my room would always remain my room and not something that I had to share. For heaven’s sake, I need my privacy!

Mum’s stare hardens and I feel my rebellion shrinking until I surrender completely to her will. I stand up and look for Dominic’s luggage in order to help him with carrying it upstairs but I can’t see anything else other than his backpack and a rather small, green suitcase.

“This,” and I point to the bags, “is all your stuff?” I ask while scratching the back of my neck. Although I had well-intended thoughts I earn a hurt and ashamed look from Dominic and a kick to my shin from Mum. Jesus, what a subtle warning! I grumble a “Come with me” in Dominic’s direction and I hurry to _our_ room. An ironic smirk appears on my face at saying for the first time “our room”… As I open the door, I realize that this idea of sharing the room with Dominic was not a spontaneous one, but rather a very well-planned one. There’s a new bed in the room and because of the space it takes up, my guitars are aggregated in a corner. I can’t help but huff at the inconveniences produced by the arrival of the shy boy who’s still hovering about in the threshold.

I make a sign with my hand and he enters carefully. I silently show him his bed and his wardrobe (which was mine yesterday, thank you very much) and after that, I lead him to the bathroom which we have to share with the twins. Dominic’s sad puppy eyes inspect everything and he can’t hide the wonder which displays in them; although I would appreciate a few words, he keeps being silent which becomes kinda eerie after a while. I don’t know what it is, but there’s something weird about him. Before I could show the twins’ room to Dominic, Mum interrupts my tour:

“Thank you, Matt. I’ll take it over from here, you can go back to sleep until I prepare lunch,” she says kindly and puts her hand protectively on Dominic’s left shoulder. Finally! Without looking back I sneak into my room and find my mobile phone lying on the table. I grab it quickly and send an annoying text message to one of my best mates from school, Chris:

 

** “U were wrong. my new bro sucks big time, u owe me 5pounds >:) mwahaha, loser!” **

I don’t have to wait long for his answer:

 

** “Oh, its a boy! :P psssh i don’t trust u, only mah eyz. C u 2morow.” **

I might seem a moron to you that I made a bet with my friend but I was 99% sure that I would win that sum of money. I need every penny if I want to buy the new guitar I saw in the music store and bets are the easiest way to make money with no effort at all. Happy that I won the bet but ready to relax, I remember Mum’s advice and find a CD with Tibetan music on it which always helps me to fall asleep, and I’m stumbling to the shelf where I keep it. I tumble over something and in my clumsy and unfortunate movement I dash against the bookshelf.

As a consequence of the impact, a book falls on the ground. Oh, I recognise it; it’s a book which debates esoteric questions. Interestingly, it opens at the chapter about numerology; more specifically, it is explaining numbers 5 and 6. My mind instantly makes the connection: Dominic is the sixth child in the family and the fifth adopted one… I’m curious about everything so let’s see what it says for six _:_ _ “Six represents harmony, balance, sincerity, **love** , and truth. Six naturally reveals solutions for us in a calm, unfolding manner. […] Sixes beckon us to administer compassion and consciously choose forgiveness in a situation.”  _ __ Yeah, right… Dominic and balance are two parallels and if anything, he only brings trouble.

I look at the previous page for the meaning of number five: _“The spiritual meaning of Five draws our attention to the wonder of life, and beckons us to appreciate the perception of chaos all around us.”_  Hoho, I don’t need Dominic to notice chaos around me. I laugh at the stupid things enumerated there but the last sentence draws my full attention: _“Fives also carry instability and unpredictability, and **radical changes**.”_

I gulp nervously and push the dark and unsettling thoughts to the back of my mind.

My life will be the same, despite Dominic entering it.

At least I hope so…


	3. Good Guy versus Bad Guy

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Dominic, too, starts school, but his first day is unpleasant.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> This chapter contains some violence at the end.

After waking up from afternoon naps, I always feel utterly confused and lost, like I would have been catapulted from another planet. It’s no different now; I nuzzle my face against the pillow, hoping that I will fall asleep again, but through the thick fog that envelops my brain the alarming message “It’s past  five o’clock !!!” somehow reaches my conscience. I growl with annoyance and so does my stomach, who decided to complain about its emptiness.

I stumble downstairs, rubbing my eyes with the heels of my hands. I hear voices from the living room and I decide to peek inside. Let’s see, what are the others up to…? If I’m not wrong, Dad has also come home early. I take two steps into the room, however no one seems to acknowledge my presence, so I sneak out a bit disappointed and opt for observing my family by stealth.

Not surprisingly, Maya is reading a stupid fashion magazine, though I wonder why Mum hasn’t ordered her to do homework first, like she does with me. Ah, I see now… Mum is busy playing some card game with the twins, their rollicking laughter filling the room. I see Bianca smiling while she’s caressing Luna, although it’s not a real smile. Despite my initial reaction, I almost go there to her, but Dad also seems to have noticed her sudden sadness and kisses her hair with consolation. I dart my eyes to Dominic’s slender figure, which is still very lost and looks uncomfortable in his new home. He looks around the room and when he has the impression that no one is watching him, he tiptoes to the white piano, _my_ white piano…

I follow his movements as he caresses the shiny surface and he finally takes a seat in front of the instrument. Dominic lifts his hands and my eyes widen; maybe he’s going to start playing? Ah, sadly not, he just hesitantly places his trembling fingers on some keys. I didn’t even notice him moving, but Dad is soon there behind the newcomer, asking something of him. Despite my sophisticated hearing, I can’t make out their whispered conversation and that annoys me greatly. However, in the next moment the blonde boy makes room on the seat, so Dad glides beside him.

He’s not a professional piano player but he could have been; Dad gave up music because his parents considered it a waste of time. He starts playing a Chopin piece, pleasure and pain rearranging the wrinkles on his face, while he’s surrendering completely to the melody. Dominic looks up admiringly at him and I recognize that expression, oh god, of course, I recognize it! It’s the way I used to look at Dad in the good old days…

 

_ The soft sunrays filtered into the room through the ivory curtains as Dad took my hand and led me to the piano that we all worshipped. He sat and lifted me on his lap.  I fit there perfectly and I put my small, pale hands over his big ones, wondering silently at the difference. I felt the tiniest flinches of the muscles in Dad’s strong arms; even his steady heartbeat was gently, fatherly guiding my fingers in every movement. We played together; I looked behind every now and then to check if he was satisfied and my gaze always refused to move from his face. He was grand compared to me, yet in the end he would always say that I played beautifully. _

I shake away the memory; Dominic’s eager, hungry expression to learn something from Dad amuses me, even though there’s something in the look which makes me gulp too. As Dad ruffles Dominic’s hair and compliments on his _new son’s_ fast learning skills, I realize that the thorn in my heart is spoiling me with bitter jealousy. I turn my back on the idyllic family, which is obviously no place for me, and give out series of curses as I walk into the kitchen, where I find the lunch my stomach craved. I taste it, but in my current state of mind everything seems awful. Besides, my appetite has also disappeared, not only for food, but for life as well.

 

I walk back to my room. Who would have thought that I would return even emptier than before? I decide to read, even though I don’t understand half of the text because my thoughts are in a whirl. _What am I doing here? Should I run away and start a life somewhere else? You’re still a minor, Bellamy, the police would drag you back and your folks would lock you up in your room for eternity. Maybe I should take some sleeping pills with alcohol, that would solve my problems easily. Haha, good joke, you’re too much of a chicken to do that._

“Shut up!” I snap at myself for bringing up such useless ideas.

Talking to myself is a stupid habit I’ve had since early childhood as a consequence of never having any real friends. Imaginary buddies are always better because they are just the way you want them to be, they are always there when you need them and they give you space if that’s what you need. But they can’t hug you or pat your back sympathetically, nor wipe the tears you’re shedding. I’m craving for those little sweet and silly things, even though I don’t really know how it feels like to be comforted by a real friend and most probably it’s too late now to find one. I should get used to the idea of remaining a loner, a wandering, hollow soul among the happy and fulfilled ones.

* * * * *

In the next days I didn’t have to deal with Dominic, or at least not on my own. Mum took him to a shopping and bought some normal clothes for him, so he wouldn’t look like an adopted child. Although I always left early for school, the lucky bastard could sleep till  noon because his papers haven’t been sent yet to my school. That’s why I haven’t got my money from Chris, either; he wants to see Dom with his own eyes, but he is too embarrassed to visit us at home. What a loser; you would think that a boy of his strong build is afraid of nothing!

Successfully playing my ‘black sheep’ role, I carefully avoided all the family programmes in the weekend. Right now I’m playing a video game on my computer where you have to capture aliens. I concentrate on the task, wanting to set a record score when my brain registers that somebody’s just entered the room.

“Matthew, we have something to discuss about tomorrow,” Mum announces with concern filling her voice.

“Okaaay, speak freely,” I respond impassively. My spaceman, which is chasing a big alien, presents a bigger interest to me right now.

“Won’t you just stop playing while I’m talking to you?” Mum huffs with annoyance. “Anyway, I just wanted to tell you that since your Dad has to leave for a business trip this evening, he won’t be able to take Bianca to the kindergarten tomorrow. So, I’ll go with her, but then I can’t accompany Dominic on his first day at the new school. Will you be kind and do it, Matt? He’s in the C class; just show him the classroom and he’ll be fine from there.”

“Whatever,” I mutter as I miss the last alien. My poor spaceman is forced to go home now as the planet is about to collapse. How ridiculous that only one wrong move can destroy a whole world. The ‘Game over’ sign blinks mockingly on the screen; luckily, _this_ really is just a game, so I can start everything over.

* * * * *

Hell no, it’s again Monday morning and I have no intention of getting out of my warm and comfortable bed. Mmmh, I’ll just sleep one more minute, just a minute… In the next moment my phone’s alarm goes off with Bon Jovi blasting “It’s My Life” near my ear and once again, I thank my foresight for choosing a loud and motivating song to get me on my feet. I yawn, scratch my head and rake through my hair, then blink several times to adjust to the harsh light of morning. I glance to my left but to my surprise, Dominic is not there and he’s already made his bed, too! Who knows, maybe he’s a morning type of person.

After dressing up and finishing my business in the bathroom, I go downstairs and grab a banana from the fruit basket sitting on the kitchen counter. Dominic is reading a book in an armchair and I greet him just to make sure he gets the hint that we should leave soon.

“Have you eaten anything?” I ask while skimming the newspaper.

“N-no,” Dominic stutters, “I’m not hungry.”

Yeah right. Not that I care, but to have a clear conscience, I toss a banana at him. Knowing his nervousness, he might just faint in the middle of school because of the low sugar level in his blood. A few minutes later, we exit the house and head to the school, which is like a fifteen-minute walk from home. My mind wanders from one thought to another until my phone’s ringing puts a stop to it. I respond to Mum and assure her that everything is fine; no, we haven’t overslept and yes, we have dressed up properly. We continue our morning walk and I totally forget about Dominic until I receive a text message from Mum:

 

** “Tell Dominic that I’m keeping my fingers crossed for him. Hope he has a pleasant day! Love you both! Mum” **

I show the screen to Dominic and he doesn’t seem so afraid anymore, his eyes reading again and again the encouraging words.

“You should get yourself a mobile phone, I’m not your messenger,” I grumble rudely, and Dominic looks, startled, in my eyes.

I can’t stand his open stare, so I hurry to enter the school. I make sure that the blonde behind doesn’t lose sight of me, and I go ahead to Dominic’s classroom. I wait for him in front of the white door and I look up when his footsteps die away. Dominic is looking expectantly at me but I have no idea what to do or say. Practically, he’s a stranger to me, he could be the kid whom passes by me during breaks and I would never notice him.

“Go in,” I grunt and I turn tail, not fast enough though. As I’m running to my own classroom I can’t put the memory of his eyes out of my head. Why did he have to look so _helpless_ and make me feel guilty? Grrr, he’s driving me crazy. My previous spite towards him returns. What the heck, he has to learn that this world is tough and there won’t be always somebody to look after him. There. My conscience shuts up now, no more guilty thoughts.

Since we’re not in the same form, I usually meet up with Chris in the lunch breaks at our favourite place in the corner, from where we can observe everybody but we are somewhat protected from curious eyes.

“Hey, Emma’s there,” I say, nodding in her direction but with little interest, “she looks quite hot today, right?”

Chris studies her with hungry eyes and whistles appreciatively when he notices the shortness of her skirt.

“Whoa, that chick’s legs are phenomenal,” he states while biting into his huge sandwich, “you should go ubb to ‘er and asg ‘er out o’ someding,” he advises me friendly.

Without hesitating, I shake my head and flick with my hand. “Ah, no chances, bro. She’s Ms. Popularity and who am I? Nobody.”

It’s true; she would never even look at a guy like me, so dating her is out of question. It’s not like I want to do that anyway; she is very pretty, but I don’t feel attracted to her. However, I have to confess that I long for somebody… not someone particularly, but I’m longing to love and to be loved.

I’m on the point to open a pack of biscuits when a teacher, who I recognise as Dominic’s form teacher, hurries in my direction.

“Matthew Bellamy, right?” she asks panting.

 

I nod, a sombre feeling growing in my heart. _What have you gotten yourself into, Dominic?!_

“It seems that your brother has disappeared. The bells had just rung and he stormed out of the classroom, followed by his desk-mate. Maybe he felt ill and he ran to the toilets. I hope Gregory took care of him.”

After the teacher saunters off, I look at Chris with confusion written on my face.

“Isn’t Gregory the guy who thwacked you last year?” Chris asks me and I realise the situation must be worse than I thought.

“Fucking hell, he surely isn’t very eager to help Dominic, like the teacher suggested!” I yell, spluttering to my friend, “Chris, I must find him. You go to your next class, we’ll talk later.”

“No way, I’m coming with you. Who knows what happened,” Chris squares his shoulders, a frown forming on his face.

We are running outside to check the schoolyard where we see a few pupils but no sign of Dominic… or Gregory, for that matter. We nip along to the toilets, both the one for boys and girls, but still nothing. Then Chris suggests separating to look through the corridors. I run and run, and with every step I become more worried. I hope Dom went home or something… Shit, I can’t call him, he doesn’t have a cell phone yet. Jesus, Mum will _kill_ me if anything happens to him. I am the only one to blame, if I had gone with Dominic into the classroom maybe I wouldn’t have left him stay there with that idiot. Shit, shit, shit! Gosh, he brought just problems…

“Matt, I can’t find him anywhere,” Chris pants as he runs up to me. We stop for a moment.

“Where could he possibly be hiding?” I mutter to myself. I stroke my chin, look at Chris but he’s as clueless as me. Then something clicks in my mind. “The old wing!” I scream and Chris scurries with me to that desolate part of the building. I prick up my ears… yes, there must be someone in the toilet. Though I’m standing in front of it, I’m not so sure if I want to open the door, but Chris nudges me gently. I fling it open and I cover my mouth with my palm, in complete shock.

Dominic sits on the cold marble beside a sink, rocking back and forth and sobbing bitterly. His head is protectively bowed between his knees and he’s also crying out the words:

“I didn’t do anything; I didn’t... do… anything…”

Suddenly, he looks at us and both Chris and I freeze on the spot. Somebody must have punched Dominic in the nose because it’s bleeding. Severely. I look down and when I see the small, red puddle, nausea darkens my mind. Dominic looks in my eyes and shrieks with desperation:

“Matthew, I didn’t do anything. Why…?” I watch in horror as Dominic’s head falls forward. He passed out…


	4. New Feelings

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Matt's protective side is awakened.

“He should be fine now that the sleeping pills did their job.”

 

Though hushed, Mum’s voice reverberates through my whole body, shaking it violently. I scour my feet against the sofa to make some heat as I pull up the blanket. I feel like I’ve been kept in a freezer; my limbs are paralyzed by an uncanny sense of coldness. I’ve never felt this miserable…

 

“Matthew, are you sure you don’t want a sedative?” Mum asks me worriedly, putting her hand on my covered legs and seeking an honest answer in my eyes. I shake my head seriously, but I ask for a cup of lime-blossom tea.

 

A moment of inadvertence is enough for my self-command to quit guarding my troubled thoughts. I’m not sure if I can fully understand today’s events; so far, everything seems overwhelming. A few minutes later, a steaming mug of balmy tea is cupped by my numb hands. I feel better as I raise the hot liquid to my thirsty lips, the sweet essence refilling my veins with a bit of life. I watch my dark reflection distort on the smooth surface of the tea when I blow cool air on it, the intense swirl reminding me of the hectic day.

 

_I ran to the inert body of Dominic, checked his pulse, and tried to bring him back to a state of consciousness. Chris was very helpful; he kneeled down and leaned my brother against him while I took a pack of tissues from my pocket, held Dominic’s chin gently,  and wiped away the blood that still flowed slightly from his nose. With a clean tissue, I gently soak up his tears, which have made their way through the dried streaks of blood, the salty liquid mixing with the thicker, but red-sweet fluid._

 

 

_When I finished cleaning Dominic’s face, I wetted another tissue and hoped that the cool water would bring the boy back to his senses. I breathed deeply to calm my nerves as I gingerly rubbed Dom’s cheeks and neck. Finally, Dominic’s unmistakable grey eyes were looking at me, though they were more muzzy than usual. I asked him if he was all right and he nodded tiredly._

 

 

_“Let’s go home, okay?” I offered with slight relief._

 

 

_Dominic wanted to get up on his feet but he was so woozy from the loss of blood that Chris and I grabbed him and led him out of the grisly place. I looked back at the red puddle on the floor and promised myself that Gregory wouldn’t get away with this, especially for harassing a boy who did nothing to him…_

 

I wake up from my reverie when the twins explode into the room, followed by Maya, who upon seeing me, asks with an evident bitchiness in her voice:

 

“What are you doing here so early?!”

 

“None of your business,” I mutter angrily under my breath but in the next moment, I almost spill my tea when Robert throws a heavy pillow at me.

 

 

Enough is enough! I collect my blanket and my mug and just simply bug out of the room, with my dignity intact this time. Grandma always says the wiser man relents; she would be proud that I acted so maturely. Since there’s nowhere else I could go, I carefully open my bedroom door and sneak in silently. I stop at Dominic’s bed and watch him sleep peacefully, affection growing in my heart. _No, no Matt, are you nuts?_! _He’s you’re evil adopted brother!_ _Oh, come on, he’s more innocent than Robert or Freddie, he couldn’t hurt a fly!_

 

I wrap myself into the blanket and turn on my left so I can see his face. My eyes scrutinize Dominic’s harmonious features; my heart sinks when I look at the bandage that covers his nose. His sensitive skin has already acquired a bluish tone around it, but hopefully it will heal in a few days.

 

However, besides the guilt, there’s also another feeling unfolding inside me, something that I can’t put my finger on yet.

 

 

_When I brought Dominic home, Mum was here and I briefly told her what had happened; she instantly called the school’s headmaster and complained about the issue. Meanwhile, Dominic and I came upstairs and I told him to lie down and relax because he was safe and had nothing to fear anymore._

 

 

_I was just about to fetch a painkiller and bandages to take care of Dominic’s aching nose when his shaky voice stopped me in the threshold:_

 

 

_“Matthew, where are you going?”_

 

 

_Poor thing… “Don’t worry; I’ll be back in a few seconds. I just want to bring you some medicine for your nose.”_

 

 

_I gathered the things I needed from the bathroom cabinet and went back to our room. Dominic looked somewhat relieved that I kept my promise of returning and I tried to smile, but I’m afraid I wasn’t very convincing._

 

 

_“Now, first we have to clean your face with this antiseptic lotion so your wounds won’t get infected. It might sting…,” the warning left my mouth just as Dominic hissed loudly. I continued in an apologetic tone: “Sorry, it will get better soon. Okay, it’s ready to be bandaged.”_

 

 

_I knelt on the bed to get better access to Dominic’s face and while I was concentrating to put the plasters on his nose without hurting him, his grey eyes were glued to my face, thus making my mission of not getting distracted very difficult. I picked up the thread of  the conversation, I wanted to hold Dominic’s attention following the example of the doctors I saw in different films: “When I went out, I heard Mum talking to Sally on the phone and I’m sure that bastard Gregory will be punished and…”_

 

 

_“Matt. Matthew,” Dominic cut into my speech. I stopped talking and in that moment I just couldn’t look away from his eyes, “is it possible… can I move to your class?” he asked anxiously._

 

 

_My eyes widened with disbelief and Dominic blushed, though I realised that he had misunderstood my silence. I fixed the last piece of bandage while trying to formulate my answer._

 

 

_“Sure, that would be the best solution. My classmates are quite nice, you’ll like them,” I finished my statement with a friendly wink and I started gathering the strip of papers and remaining plasters. I surely didn’t expect the next rejoinder:_

 

 

_“And you would be there too.”_

 

_Was that a tint of relief, or gratitude, or both in his voice? I pretended to search for something in one of the drawers while my heart just wanted to bounce out of my chest. Dominic still wanted me around him after I acted like a dick? I flashed him my brightest smile and felt that he was about to respond with the same gesture but right then, right at that bloody moment, Mum had to enter the room. She shooed me downstairs and had her private talk with Dominic, at the end of which she gave him the sleeping pills._

 

Looking out the window, I see that the twins are leaving for their football training, so I decide to go downstairs now that the sources of my annoyance are not in the house.

 

I find Mum in the kitchen and she’s evidently on the go: there are three pots on the cooker and she’s also stirring icing for the cake that is currently baking in the oven. This is how she gets things off her chest and I must say it is a peaceful and elegant way to blow off steam. I step to the cooker and stir the cheese sauce, while also turning over the roasting slices of meat. Mum thanks me gratefully while she adds melted chocolate to the icing.

 

“Err, Mum, have you reported the events to Sally?” I ask, throwing out a feeler.

 

“Of course, Matt, you know I have to do that,” Mum responds, running to the sink and washing her sticky hands.

 

“Yeah, but what did she say? Will… will they take Dominic from us? I swear, it was nothing intentional, from now on I will look after him and…” I trail off while gesturing widely with my hands, my eyes bugging out with fear.

 

“Take Dominic away?” Mum looks at me confusedly, “Why would they do that?!”

 

I’m gently pushed aside, so Mum can take the cake out of the oven. She places it in the window where it can cool, takes off her oven mitts, and faces me again with an apprehensive look on her face: “Actually, Matthew, I’m afraid Dominic is acting too meekly in this situation.” Mum sighs and shakes her head in disbelief.

 

What is she talking about?

 

“When I talked with your father we agreed that beside that Gregory has to be expelled, we would also press charges for ‘grievous bodily harm’, so he might get that anti-social behavioral order. For some unknown reason, Dominic refused this vehemently, even the one about Gregory getting expelled.”

 

I stand dumbfoundedly in the middle of the kitchen and scratch the back of my neck absentmindedly. “But what if that idiot decides to attack him again? I can’t always be with Dominic and anyway, Gregory is twice my size, he could kill us on the spot,” I state with panic as I walk up and down.

 

“Oh, I forgot to tell you that he doesn’t want Gregory there but asked if he could be moved to another school instead of being expelled. Dominic has a golden heart, right?” Mum looks back at me smiling and she wipes away a tear from her eyes. “By the way, I totally support his idea of being moved to your class, it should have been like that from the beginning and we wouldn’t have these problems now if he had started in your class.”

 

I nod silently, although deep down, I know I’m the only one to blame for this mess.

 

“Matt,” Mum calls me and when I look at her, she continues: “I thought that we could dedicate this afternoon to pampering Dominic a little, maybe we can blot out the unpleasant memories. I’m preparing a special lunch and maybe you could come up with a surprise for him? Play something on your piano or guitar?”

 

* * * * *

As I sit contentedly at the table and watch the others, I realise we’ve never ever had such a calm and peaceful lunch. Okay, maybe when the twins spent a week at grandma but now, even though they are here, they are acting like normal kids, which is really rare. Mum must have told the others how serious the situation is. One might think that everybody’s purpose is to please and indulge Dominic, because the poor boy is constantly blushing under the shower of kindness he receives and you can really see the gratefulness in his shining eyes.

 

Mum pushes me to the piano and instead of playing my usual bittersweet, melancholy songs, I decide to entertain my family with _Mozart’s Turkish March, a_ very cheerful and light piece. I can’t help but smile while playing and my fingers just run quickly over the white and black keys. When I finish, Dominic’s clap is the loudest in the living room and I’m as pleased as punch. I bow and thank them bashfully, hurrying to sit back on the sofa. I’m not good at handling compliments, even though it feels good to know that people like your work.

 

“You’re really talented,” somebody whispers in my right ear. When I turn my head, I see Dominic nodding appreciatively to confirm his earlier words.

 

It seems that he really loves music. Maybe he just didn’t have any opportunity to engage in it? I thank his kind words and I add after a few moments: “If you want, I can teach you to play the piano.”

 

He looks with longing in the instrument’s direction and bites his lower lip as if struggling with his decision. Honestly, I thought he would say ‘yes’ right away, but to my surprise he declines my offer, mumbling something about ‘not having talent’. The pout I form clearly shows my disappointment, however, I don’t reproach him. I remind myself that Dominic had an awful morning and he’s probably very confused right now…

 

The problem is that he’s confusing me too and I can tell even now that the thick fog which envelopes my brain brings no good.

 

_Dominic, Dominic, why do you complicate my life?!_


	5. A Secret for Secret

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> We learn some things about Dom's past...

Dominic’s second “first school day” went much better. Although we both entered the building with shaking legs, our fears proved to be unjustified. Yes, of course, people started whispering when we passed them, because such staggering violence like what was applied to Dominic had never ever happened before in our small and quiet school.

It seems foolish now that I was so worried about him. I made sure beforehand that his desk mate would be Peter, a typical nerd, but nevertheless a kind and helpful guy. They sit in the middle column of benches, while I always choose a seat in the back of the classroom, beside the window. Today I can’t even concentrate during classes because my eyes keep averting in their direction.

We are having a Maths class and even though I was never a genius at this subject, I can’t force my brain to concentrate on the complicated exercises. I watch deep in thought as Dominic fiddles with something silvery in his neck, probably a pendant, when I feel a hand on my forearm. It’s Liz, my desk-mate, and she assures me with a smile:

“Hey, he’ll be just fine.”

“Hmm? I’m not worried,” I lie but I feel my cheeks tinting with red when I meet Lizzy’s incredulous stare. “Okay, I am a bit, but it’s normal after what happened, right?”

“Of course. I wasn’t accusing you of anything. I guess your parents are relieved too, right?”

“Bellamy and Cole, do you have something to share with the class?” the Maths teacher’s voice booms from the front of the classroom. Bugger, he noticed us… _We will surely get lower grades on the next test_. Liz mumbles some apologies in my name as well.

However, her effort is futile… that’s the only thought on my mind while staring at the paper with “special exercises” assigned just for me and my desk mate. It could have hieroglyphics on it and maybe I’d understand it better. A sidelong glance cast at Liz is enough for me to see her frown and we both make a mouth when our gazes meet.

“He’s such a ratbag!” Liz mouths silently, and I nod in agreement.

I might be able to solve some of the exercises, but my dignity was hurt, so I put down my pencil resolutely and refused to write even a single number on the blank paper. Liz smirks and follows my example; we can barely hold back our fit of laughter at the sight of the teacher’s contorted face, which becomes redder and redder as we continue our peaceful protest.

In the last minutes of the class I receive a text message and looking around to make sure that nobody’s watching, I take out the phone carefully from the tight pocket of my jeans.

 

** “Hey Matt, could you come today instead of Friday? It’s urgent. John” **

I type a quick “sure” back as I’m re-planning my afternoon after this sudden change. It is not unpleasant or inconvenient. John is a nice guy who lives in the same neighbourhood as my family and I go to his house at least twice a month to work for a few hours. He pays well and the work is not that hard either: I usually help him in the garden or feed his animals; actually I take on any chores around the house.

As soon as the bells ring their song of freedom, I take my bag and before leaving the class, I tell Dominic that I have to go and we will meet at home. I wouldn’t have any classes anyway, unlike him; he has to catch up at so many subjects! The walk to John’s is not long and I’m welcomed by John’s wife who looks relieved to see me:

“Oh, Matthew, I’m so happy that you could make it! We’re already late.”

As she ushers me inside, she hastily explains that John’s father had to be hospitalized a couple of hours ago and they have to go and see him, but couldn’t leave little Jesse alone. I frown confusedly and open my mouth to ask something, but John appears in the threshold and clasps while jabbering:

“Come on, come on, we have to hurry! Oh, hey Matt! Good to see you, you’ll be fine with Jesse, yeah? We’ll be back soon!”

I’m so struck by shock that I can’t even protest. They want _me_ to be their son’s babysitter?! They can’t be serious…

“He’ll probably be sleeping another hour or so, after that if he’s hungry give him an apple and some biscuits, okay? Oh and you might have to change his diaper too.”

Oh, they _are_ serious! Very serious…

“Take care!” John’s wife pinches my left cheek and dashes in the car.

I stand like a twit in front of the gate, watching the vehicle shoving off until I can’t see it any more. _Take a deep breath, Matthew, you can handle this._ I have younger siblings; I’m supposed to be capable of looking after a toddler, right? I peek into the dark children’s room to check upon Jesse. I wish he would sleep this peacefully until tomorrow morning! I move into the living room and fling myself lazily onto the huge couch, releasing a puff of relief and afternoon laziness. I let myself go and welcome happily the pleasant torpor while reading a car magazine I found on the table. I wish I had one of the beauties from it… which boy or man doesn’t dream about that?

After an hour or so, I feel an itch on my right sole and rub my foot against the arm of the couch. A little later the feeling returns, I rub my foot again till I hear a quiet giggle. My eyes widen as I realize little Jesse has woken up and he’s already acting impishly. I greet him and I tickle him playfully and we fool around, shrieking joyfully. Everything goes perfectly until a bad smell reaches my nose.

“Eww, Jesse, is that your poop stinking?” I ask while pulling a disgusted face, and start to peel off his little pyjamas bottoms.

The little devil decides to make things difficult and scoots away from me squealing like a piglet. I use my bossy voice to make him come back, but I have no authority over him; he just laughs and laughs and runs around the house on his small bare feet while I can only stumble awkwardly after him like an old dog. Where does he get all this energy from?

I bet we’ve been running for at least a quarter of an hour and I am short of breath… oh God, what did I do to deserve this punishment?! The kid is unstoppable and I have the impression that I was dropped in the middle of a ridiculous cartoon! Jesse is now running out in the yard and I swear, I don’t have any more strength to go after him; my respiratory tracts are burning and for a moment the world blackens before me. Cold sweat is running down my forehead as I fling open the entrance door and call out to the boy very loudly.

He’s farther than I thought and my voice, instead of halting him, makes Jesse increase his pace and he’ll soon reach the gate and be out in the street. In the dangerous street?! He thinks this is a simple game where I have to chase him. But reality is always crueler; I have no chance to catch up with him, and I watch the events like some slow-motion scenes from a movie: Jesse is reaching out to grasp the door handle. I cry out a scream of desperation and fear and it is a sensible thought as a passer-by obstructs Jesse’s path, and they usher the imp back. I run up to them and find myself face to face with Dominic, who is holding Jesse’s hand. I look from one to the other, unable to decide which is weirder: the fact that Dominic is here or that Jesse is suddenly an angel?

“Uhm… hey! T-thanks for catching Jesse,” I stutter awkwardly and look everywhere but into those mysterious eyes.

He nods before asking: “Do you need any help?”

I knit my brows. That’s not what I expected. Isn’t he laughing at me? Making fun of me? He’s serious, I can see it. I smile apologetically and beckon them in, directly in the bathroom. Dominic throws his schoolbag beside mine and I look helplessly in his direction with a clean diaper in my hand, little Jesse playing with his toes on the changing table. His eyes light up and he’s almost smiling, like he’s glad that he can help me…

“I… I’ve never… you know, Mum always took care of this,” I flail ridiculously with the pamper still in my hand.

“No problem,” he responds and in a few moments Jesse is already running into his room in a clean diaper. “I wouldn’t have known either, but my previous foster parents had a little girl.” Dominic stops abruptly, probably because he treaded on a taboo topic.

I know almost nothing of his “pre-Bellamy” existence, but I’d love to hear about it. I can’t force words out of him though, so we simply go in the living room and sit on the couch in a tensed atmosphere. Something has been nibbling on my mind and I finally gather the necessary courage to tell him:

“Dominic, please don’t tell anyone that I had to look after Jesse this afternoon. Not that they really care about what I’m doing, but if Maya and the twins find out about this, they will ridicule me forever.”

“Why would they?!” Dominic asks a bit louder than usual.

He seems so shocked. I thought it was obvious, but I decide to explain it: “Well, I’m sure you noticed that they don’t like me. They treat me like a loser.”

I can’t help the grimace that creeps on my face. Although I try to pretend that I don’t care, in fact, I do. His grey eyes are wide with astonishment for a few moments, and then he looks empathetically in my direction.

“You are not a loser and I’m sure they know it. Anyway, babysitting is not a shameful thing, and you shouldn’t be hiding it,” my heart skips a bit, because for a second I think he will give away the information, “but if that is your wish, I’ll keep your secret. It’s safe with me.”

“Thanks, mate!” I’d like to pat him on the shoulder as a sign of gratitude, but I halt my movement.

We’re both startled when we hear a key turning in the door; John and his wife are entering their house. I smile with relief, knowing that everything is fine now, and I can go home with Dominic. Of course, Jesse’s parents are happy and satisfied that I could help them, hence the pretty sum of money they slip into mine and Dominic’s pockets when we’re putting on our coats. Not surprisingly, my brother wants to give it back, but in fact, he’s the one who truly deserves it (my part included), so I assure him that he can take it.

When we’re finally at home eating dinner with the whole family and Mum asks us where we’ve been, I smile confidently as I tell her that Dominic helped me with the gardening at John’s, and as I hoped my brother nods very convincingly. I wink at him, and he looks down to hide his blush and a tiny, tiny smile which makes me so lightheaded. He’s actually a nice guy and I’d never thought I’ll say this, but I’m kind of happy that we adopted him.

* * * * *

On a lazy afternoon when, surprisingly, I don’t have to do anything, I decide to spend a little time in the backyard in the company of a good novel. As I’m getting absorbed in the story, I set my eyes on Dominic who is exiting through the back door extremely carefully, his big eyes bugging out with fear of being caught. Well, I don’t mean to pry, but his strange attitude certainly intrigues me, so I peep out from behind a raspberry bush and startle him with my sudden question:

“Well, well, well… where are you sneaking out to, Dominic?”

My words make him jump and he looks like a frightened deer, his whole body remaining still even after a minute. When I step closer, he bows his head with burning-red cheeks and I panic: what did I do wrong? Did I say something hurtful? Though it’s more like he feels guilty about something.

“It’s okay, Dominic! I was just joking, you can go wherever you’d like… but I’m here if you need to talk to someone,” I murmur while dusting off my jeans and avoiding his searching look.

I sense distrust and uncomfortable tension in the air between us ( _what air, Matt? There’s no air, you’ll soon be asphyxiated!_ ) and the sign ‘You fucked up again!’ blinks in my mind. I always do that; I am so bad at communicating with other people!

“Sorry, I didn’t mean to put pressure on you,” I mumble and just before I turn tail, Dominic pipes up weakly:

“No, it’s okay. You told me a secret, so I owe you one.”

“You don’t have to, it’s not…”

My protest is interrupted by his voice, this time sounding much more determined:

“But I want to. We’re going to visit some special persons. If you want to accompany me, that is.”

* * * * *

I would have never imagined that Dominic meant the word “visit” in this sense. I genuinely thought that we were going to see his mates from the orphanage or maybe former foster siblings or parents. I didn’t become suspicious, not even when we stopped to buy flowers; hence the reason I’ve been at a loss of words since we’ve entered the cemetery. Of course, I’ve been before and I know that zombies don’t exist, but it’s definitely not my favourite place to hang out.

I sit down on the bench in front of the double grave, holding the colourful bouquet in my hands while I’m waiting for Dominic to bring fresh water into the marble vase. I peruse the tombstone with my heart in my mouth, tracing in my head each engraved line on the polished rock panel.

 

** Anne S. Howard **

1965-1997

 

** William Howard **

1962-1997

They both died when Dominic was only three years old… I wonder what could be the cause of their death. Illness, accident, crime or maybe they both disappeared? My musing is interrupted by Dominic, who takes the flowers from my hand and puts them in the vase. I watch him as he dusts some dirt from the tomb with a serene expression.

Even though he’s been here hundreds of times, it must be still very painful for him. He’s at peace with the situation, but only God knows the storm of feelings inside him. How many times did he have to glue together the pieces of his broken heart? I try to imagine myself as a parentless child in this huge world of unloving people, but my mind refuses to picture it. I shake my head to dismiss the worry that’s started bubbling in my stomach.

Dominic goes about to clean the grave of the unwanted weed among the vivid-coloured pansies and I get up to help him. We’re working silently when a sigh escapes his mouth:

“You would probably like to know what happened to them, right?”

I right myself and wipe my forehead, my eyes never leaving his bent form. I whisper my agreement, but I also tell him that I won’t be upset if he doesn’t tell me.

“I don’t mind telling you,” he mutters more to himself, his gaze shifting from the ground to the engraved names. “My parents were involved in a huge car accident… apparently, they went to buy me a new bed and left me with the nanny.” He stops to sigh deeply and continues: “A-at least that’s what I was always told at the orphanage. I was sent there since I didn’t have any relatives. My grandparents died a very long time ago.”

I’m not sure, but I think I’ve just seen a tear falling from his eye, the little drop now gleaming on a yellow pansy petal. I realise I’ve been clenching my fists and I watch the red marks on my palms, trying to come up with something meaningful to say that would soothe Dominic’s pain. I’m really inexperienced, so I’m afraid my sentences sound empty and awkward:

“I’m so sorry… I wish you wouldn’t have gone through this. I’m terribly sorry, Dominic, I don’t even know what to say.”

I rub my temples, my eyes meeting his watery orbs. They’ve never been so open and unguarded, so I see the infinite grief afloat in every streak of grey and forest green, until brown lashes cover them bashfully. Both of Dominic’s hands travel to the back of his neck and he takes off a silver necklace which was hidden under his jumper. He steps closer to me, reaching out his trembling right hand. His fist opens and I finally see the silver pendant that Dominic would play with when he’s nervous. It’s a book shaped pendant with beautiful gothic and flowery patterns engraved on it. This must be an old heirloom, probably from the nineteenth century.

I look from the jewellery to Dominic with curious eyes. He nods and instructs: “Open it.”

 

I take the pendant carefully and stroke the shiny surface with a single finger. The nails of my thumbs slide into the slot and with a click, the jewellery finally opens. It’s an old-fashioned, but beautiful type of jewellery: it hides two pictures, making it proof of a life Dominic once had. Even before him telling me, I know they picture Mr. and Mrs. Howard. His father is all smiles, wearing glasses. Dominic inherited his blondish hair, even though his face looks just like the masculine version of his mother’s. He has the same eyes and lips like Mrs. Howard. _They would have been a happy family._

“Do you have any memories of them?” I ask with a gulp and hand him back the precious object.

“Just a few… and I’m not even sure if they are r-real or just my mind making them up.”

I finally do what I should have done a long time ago, namely I put my hand on his shoulder and rub it gently, though I bite my lower lip anxiously, fearing that he would jerk away. My motion prompts him to turn his head and look in my eyes and I’m glad to see relief in them. He seems very grateful that he could tell his big secret to someone, and I’m more than happy to take the burden off of him.


	6. Renascence

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Matthew realises something important.

I am not surprised when I hear Dominic’s muffled cries after we go to bed. Of course, he waited half an hour or so, thinking that I had already nodded off. The visit to the cemetery perturbed him deeply, with old, suppressed feelings gushing forth from the depths of his suffering heart. My first reflex is to get out of my bed and console him, but I know that those tears are more than just salty drops of water, they are keepers of bad memories, and therefore, they have to be let out. I have a lump in my throat, but eventually the quiet sobs lull us both to sleep.

 

* * * * *

 

The next morning I’m thinking over the matter again while munching absentmindedly on my breakfast, wondering if I should have taken action or not. I bawl Robert out when he kicks my shin; I really hate it that I can’t have a calm moment because of them. My voice fades when Dominic enters the kitchen with puffy, red eyes. It might seem a bit unusual, but his presence always prompts me to be silent and peaceful, anything beyond it seems useless. I promise myself to be nicer to my brothers and don’t let myself get steamed up so easily. Dominic sits at the table, drawing random patterns on its surface. I put a mug of hot chocolate in front of him and his face lights up as we look at each other. I read that it’s good to consume chocolate in the morning because it raises the level of happiness hormones in your body, so I make one for myself as well.

 

* * * * *

 

School wasn’t that bad, but tomorrow we have a tough test, so unfortunately the whole afternoon will be dedicated to learning. Dad, who’s reading in the other corner of the room, overhears my conversation with Dominic and encourages us to hurry and review as much as we can. Before going upstairs, Mum arrives home with lots of heavy-looking shopping bags.

 

“Ah, my beautiful boys! Help me with these, will you?”

 

She is so chirpy, bursting with joy and telling us about the great deals she made while unpacking. Finally, she hands Dominic a small box. Dominic opens it excitedly, and just as I thought, Mum bought him a mobile phone. He really needs one; my parents agreed after the events with Gregory that a phone is absolutely indispensable.

 

“Oh boys, I also bought something for myself, I’d like to show it to you!” Mum exclaims and winks in Dad’s direction, but he doesn’t notice it. I make a disapproving face.

 

Meanwhile, I sit closer to Dominic and we both admire the shiny, black device; he asks me to set it up for him, which I finish in a few minutes.

 

“So… how do I look?” Mum asks as she enters the room wearing a gorgeous dark blue dress.

 

She looks stunning as she pirouettes in front of us and I whistle to show my appreciation. I don’t think I’ve seen her wearing such dresses on more than two or three occasions, so I compliment her, Dominic nodding in agreement. I cast a side glance at Dad, but he keeps reading the bloody newspaper! I clear my throat, hoping that it would attract his attention, but my attempt remains abortive. Mum gulps and averts her eyes from his ignorant posture; I can see tears gathering in those unmistakable blue orbs, but she stifles them by blinking repeatedly.

 

“I hope you’ll wear it at my wedding,” I crack a joke to lighten the tense mood, and Mum giggles, forgetting momentarily about the moron sitting in the corner of the room. You can call me impertinent, but I have my reasons to call him that; he’s offended Mum several times and I hate to see her suffering.

 

I look at Dominic, who’s biting his lower lip deep in thought and probably wondering why Dad acts like this. As soon as he notices my look, he turns his head in the direction of the stairs and I nod assent. Holding the phone tightly in his fist, Dominic goes to our room, followed by me. Even though studying isn’t to our heart’s content, we leaf through books and notebooks diligently.

 

Since time immemorial, I’ve been a nervous person. I can’t stand still, not even for two minutes, so it’s a bit annoying to others that I squirm a lot while studying. I tap my fingers, play with my hair, lie on my back then turn on my stomach or chew the end of my pen. That’s why I always learn by myself because I peeve everybody with my fidgeting, but Dominic seems immune to it. How can he concentrate so much and not get distracted by the sharpener, the rounded tip of the pencil or I don’t know, by the interesting patterns on the bedcovers? I guess my mind just enjoys running wild with diverse thoughts too much.

 

Soon, a devilish plan crosses my mind. I reach for my phone secretly and send the following message to Dominic (whose number I have previously memorized) while stifling my giggles:

 

 

**“Chemistry is for dorkies, it’s awful and boring. But you’re not one, ey? Though I’m sure you’ll get an A. :D”**

 

A few seconds later the beeping sound of the phone shakes Dominic from his deep concentration. He looks at the tiny screen and snickers loudly, muffling the sounds with a hand against his mouth. I notice a hint of confusion in his expression; he’s probably wondering who sent the silly message. Dominic asks me if I know the number and I say that it’s Mum’s. He would believe it, but I can’t help bursting out laughing, with Dominic and I both weeping tears of joy in the end. I’m not sure, but I think I glimpsed Mum passing in front of our room’s door, smiling contentedly.

 

* * * * *

 

The world seems so much more beautiful after you get rid of the burden of a difficult test! I’m quite pleased with myself; I think I’ll get a good mark thanks to Dominic, who helped me yesterday afternoon. Chemistry isn’t rocket science anymore for me!

 

I stretch myself as I hear the bell ringing and grab my pocket money in order to buy some snacks. Luckily, we have a free period to rest our tired minds and enjoy the last sunny days, not only of October, but of this year as well. However, I notice that Dominic didn’t go out in the schoolyard like everybody else. He’s always spending breaks in the classroom either reading or just resting his head on the bench when he’s tired. I think he feels safer protected by the four walls and among people he knows. I’ve tried convincing him to join me and Chris countless times, but he’s always apologizing.

 

I feel a secret power racing through my veins and decide that I won’t let him get away this time. He needs to spend some time among people, especially among people who would never ridicule him and people who… care about him.

 

“So, will you get an A+ at this test?” I ask grinning.

 

“Yeah, right,” he giggles as he looks up from the book he’s reading.

 

“Hey Dominic, don’t you want to come outside? We have this free period and look, the weather’s so sunny!” I invite him excitedly, pointing to the world swimming in gold light outside the walls.

 

                                   

“No, I’ll just stay here,” he mumbles, returning to his reading material.

 

“Oh, come on!” I whine. “That book can wait! I thought you like spending time with your _brother_ …” I pout and fold my arms, even though I feel a tiny bit guilty for manipulating him like this.

 

Although I accepted him as part of the family a long time ago, I’ve never called him my brother before. A blush creeps from his neck to his face and ears and I even forget to breathe when he looks in my eyes. There’s so much emotion in them, so many thoughts and feelings which can’t be verbalized that I feel my heart kindled by his rich inner world.

 

“I do,” he says quietly, and my smile widens when closes the book.

 

“I assure you, Dominic, fresh air will do you good!” I say cheekily, opening the door and giving way to him.

 

“If you say so…” Dominic walks to the exit, but he turns to add with a shy smile playing on his lips: “ _brother_.”

 

It’s my turn to blush; I don’t think I’ve ever felt this overwhelmed by warm affection for somebody. It’s uplifting at the same time, I have the feeling I grew a pair of wings and I could flit around free from care.

 

We step out in the schoolyard, a movement which feels like striding across an invisible barrier. I buy a pack of biscuits and we munch on them while strolling around and watching the smaller children play football. In a few minutes we head to a bench under a huge oak tree to sit down on it. Dominic chooses to take seat at the end of it, but I slide closer to him, even though I know he feels a bit uncomfortable about our proximity. I distract him by telling funny stories about family holidays. It’s also a good occasion to retail him the good news Mum told me in the morning:

 

“By the way… it seems we have to pack soon. Our folks want to go to the seaside for the mini-vacation we have in two weeks.”

 

“Really? I’ve never been to the seaside!” Dominic exclaims, obviously very happy by the nice surprise.

 

I have to admit it is a great idea, although I hope the twins will leave me alone and find another subject to terrorize. For example, two years ago they put a jellyfish in my swimming trunks. Eww, it still makes me shiver. Talk about fucked up childhood and its effect on you…

 

“Hey, how are you, guys?” Chris approaches us, smiling broadly.

 

“Just chilling,” I say lazily and pat the small place beside me: “Come and join us!”

 

Hearing my proposal to Chris, Dominic wants to get up, thinking that there’s no place for the three of us. Luckily Chris saves the situation before I panic: he assures Dominic that we can sit comfortably. Honestly, I don’t know why I feel excited about sitting closer to the blonde, but I can’t deny the warmness that spreads in me as our shoulders bump into each other.

 

Chris doesn’t even know the huge favour he’s doing for me when he tells us the reason for his sneaky appearance: he should have taken a test in this period, but he decided to play truant because he didn’t learn anything. This story leads him to other funny school stories and with every laugh, Dominic grows more and more relaxed. I find myself laughing at his cute giggling rather than at Chris’ tales.

 

 _Bellamy, you are about to cross a dangerous territory._ I warn myself and I rise to my feet hoping that the lack of contact will dissipate the confusion in my head. I kick a small stone and watch it roll until a heap of fallen leaves halts its further movement. I lift my eyes from the dull concrete to the colourful pile and I fling myself into the soft mixture of gold, rusty and the whole palette of warm colours. Dominic and Chris look baffled at me, but they soon start laughing with me as I “swim” in the sea of foliage.

 

In a few moments the two boys join me and I see that they are dying of curiosity to experience this game of autumnal smell. Chris decides to tickle me to death and he laughs heartily as I shrill while Dominic gathers a handful of leaves and throws it in the air. He repeats the motion and his grey agate eyes are wide with amazement as they follow the floating leaves. I mirror him and soon Chris starts doing the same, three pairs of hands throwing dry pieces of “rust” in the pure air. I feel so happy and content that I could embrace the whole word in this glorious moment when we laugh together. However, we are forced to stop abruptly when Chris notices his form teacher on the other side of the road, therefore he has to cut and run.

 

My chest heaves from the effort and I remark that Dominic is panting as well. We grin from ear to ear as our eyes meet, the blush of his cheeks making my heart swell with elation. Suddenly, he reaches out and takes a wandering leaf out of my tousled hair so tenderly that I can’t help but let him captivate me while my heart is melting.

 

The whole world could shout at me and I wouldn’t hear it over my ceaseless heartbeat pealing the extraordinary feeling that’s growing inside me. It is said that love is born only in spring together with the fresh wildflowers, but I have to contradict it with my own example. Oh Dominic, autumn is the perfect time to fall in love; it can be your second spring if you want, a period of renascence.

 

There, in the schoolyard, under the centennial oak tree, with its fallen leaves around us, in the gentle sunlight with your fingers briefly touching my hair, I realise I’ve entangled myself in your mysterious aura.

 

Dominic Howard, I’m officially _enamoured_ of you.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Darthtofu made a superb artwork for this chapter :D
> 
>  


	7. Cupid's Disease

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Matthew tries to distance himself from Dominic.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Quite a sad chapter, but an important one.

Ever heard of love being called Cupid’s disease? I’ve been suffering from it for nearly a week and I’m convinced that it is the most dangerous and infectious illness: it attacked all of my organs in less than a second…

Everywhere I look, everything I set my eyes on, reminds me of Dominic’s fine features. If I’m walking in the streets and he’s not with me, I’m searching for him in the sea of unknown faces passing by me, but nothing could ever please me visually as his face does. My ears are adjusted to the frequency of his soft voice, so I could hear even his most quiet whisper in the middle of a shouting group of people. I wish I could also hear the things he doesn’t have the courage to tell me yet, those things which shine so darkly in his big eyes.

My mouth would, by choice, utter only words of love and encouragement addressed to him; I’m incredibly proud of the progress Dominic’s made since that day when he entered my life. He was so timid back then, afraid of everything surrounding him, even the slightest movement giving him a start. Luckily, our friendship has slowly blossomed as I won his trust, and I am confident that soon he will open up and have no restrains around me.

If it wasn’t obvious, my heart is Dominic’s, even though that sounds so clichéd. I didn’t realise it in the beginning; I didn’t know that with every drop of blood pumped by my heart, a burning desire also inundated my veins. That’s why I’m so desperately, hopelessly in love: the desire, the love has infiltrated in every cell of mine.

I end my enumeration of the organs struck by “the disease” with the most important one, the coordinator of the whole body: my brain. Even if I was a rational person (which I am not), I couldn’t fight against the command of my common sense to dedicate all my thoughts to him. I would have never thought that…

“Matthew, are you all right?” I hear Mum’s concerned voice interrupting my train of thought from distance like in a dream. “Is something troubling you?”

“Yes…I mean no,” I correct myself quickly.

I blush when I look up from my untouched meal and notice that all eyes are focused on me. Oh, how I hate Sunday family lunches! The scrutinizing looks, the suspicious twinkles in some eyes and the deafening silence all transform the meal into some kind of interrogation.

“You look quite pale, son,” Dad states while putting more potato on his plate.

 

He and Mum look knowingly at each other, with Dominic’s eyes remaining the only ones filled with concern. _Oh, don’t torture me even more!_

“Is it about a girl?” Mum asks curiously, and I choke on my drink which is perceived by everybody as a positive response.

“Oh my god, Matt is in love!” Maya guffaws crudely, prompting the twins to put on a show to embarrass me; they sigh dramatically and mockingly recite famous love quotes.

I just glare in their direction and wait for my parents to stop them. They try to provoke me and if I react, they won’t ever get off my back. I excuse myself from the table and flee to my room. I bury my face in the pillow, hoping that the unsettling thoughts will stop whirling in my head. _God, everything is so confusing!_

A few minutes later I hear the door opening. I hope it’s not Mum, though Dominic’s presence might be dangerously tempting for me now. I hear breathing beside me and a sigh which sounds very much like _“Matthew”._ Turning my face to the right, I see Dominic kneeling by my bed and Luna staring at me with her warm and understanding look. Of course, my favourite blondes. Our  Labrador has become so attached to Dominic that she follows him everywhere. I often find them slumbering huddled up against each other and it takes a lot of effort not to join their warm nap.

“Matthew…” that’s all he whispers, but I can read the question in his eyes: “ _Why did you run away?_ ”

I sit up and lean against the headboard, avoiding the two expecting pairs of eyes.

“See, I told you they treat me like an idiot!” I grumble and fold my arms angrily.

“They are just children,” Dominic says with a shrug, trying to appease me.

“That’s a poor excuse,” I mutter, less angry now.

“Here, I brought our dessert,” Dominic hands me a slice of cheesecake with a timid smile.

 

I would hug him tightly because I’m touched by his kindness, but I only pat the bed and Dominic sits, unaware of my hungry gaze. It’s enough to watch him close his eyes and loll his head back a little as he enjoys the sweet taste of the dessert and makes me gulp. _Is this what I should feel? Isn’t this behaviour called perversion? Bellamy, hold yourself back!_

After finishing the cake, I idly scratch Luna’s furry head whereas Dominic tells me that he promised Bianca to help her with memorizing her lines. Her kindergarten group is doing a nice children’s play and Bianca hasn’t been this excited for a long time. I welcome the time I get for myself, although I’m a bit afraid of the things I have to clarify in my head. I take a deep breath and prepare myself for a long and maybe painful discussion with myself; I’d like to analyze the whole situation, so I start it from the beginning.

First of all, he’s a boy, just like me. I am definitely not disgusted or upset that I’m attracted to someone of the same gender. Deep down, I think I always knew that. To be honest, I don’t perceive Dominic as a male, he’s just… _Dominic_. It’s really difficult to explain this; I also reckon that he might be the only boy I could ever like. Who knows, maybe there’s an ancient connection between our souls and in this life we are both incarnated as males. However, this is the smaller problem.

The alarming thought that has been nagging at me for a week is frightening me beyond measure. So far, I haven’t had the courage to face it; I didn’t think I was capable of understanding it in its entirety. Dominic is not just a random dude I like; he is much more than that. Dominic is… – _take a deep breath, Matthew_ – Dominic is my brother. I know, I know; he’s not my full brother. We, biologically speaking, aren’t related. This is a very serious problem, it is condemnable and I’m aggravating my sin with every minute I spend loving him _that_ way.

In any other situation I would simply call Chris, but what to do now?! I can’t confess to him my shameful secret, he would surely despise me! I don’t have any other trustworthy friends and any appeal to my parents for help would result in apocalypse. In this house, I have to forget about my heart and put on a mask of indifference because it would not destroy only my life, but Dominic’s as well. Luna puts her head in my lap and I elaborate a plan while I’m stroking her light gold fur.

The plan is simple: avoid Dominic like the plague. Easy to say! I have no idea how I’ll survive or how life will be without him… it’s probably dull and colourless. My whole body is protesting against this cruelty I have to impose on myself. My heart will break, but the important thing is to leave him out of this mess and to keep him safe. Bitter venom spreads in my heart at the thought of diverging from Dominic. He will surely notice my coldness and will probably think that I’m a double-tongued, arrogant skunk. _Oh, if he only knew!_

As my chest heaves faster and faster, tears start their journey from the corners of my eyes, down my hot and red cheeks until they water my clothes, the duvet and even Luna. Poor baby, she’s sensed my sadness and I take her in my arms so we soothe each other. Breathing gets more and more painful with every second, and grim blackness weighs heavily upon my mind. My world as I knew it is about to be crushed… what keeps me alive? I have no idea. Maybe it’s the hope that I will be able, sometime in the future, to be the man I really am.

* * * * *

Have you ever felt like a robot that is programmed to do his daily tasks without thinking? If your answer is affirmative then you can imagine the state I’m in. I wake up; my feet carry me automatically to the bathroom where I perform the trivial things I do every day. Back in the room, I open the wardrobe and take out the first clothes I put my hand on, not caring if they match or not. I do all these things at a steady peace with an unreadable expression plastered on my face, even a week after my decision to stay away from Dominic as much as possible.

It is the toughest challenge I have ever taken up and there were several occasions when I almost yielded to the temptation. For example, a couple of days ago Bianca told me of the interesting conversation Mum had with Sally, the social worker.

 

_ “But when did they discuss this? How comes I have no idea about this?” I asked frowning. _

 

__

 

_ “Well, I think it was a secret talk or something, they didn’t want you to hear it,” Bianca kept teasing me, even though she knew I was dying to find out more details. _

 

__

 

_ “Why is that? Oh, come on, tell me more!” I demanded, tapping my fingers nervously on the dining table. _

 

__

 

_ “Okay, okay. It seems that Sally had a long chat with Dominic to check if he managed to adapt to his new life and if he likes us. After that she told Mum the things she found out…”  Bianca’s voice trailed off and she bit her lower lip nervously. “I don’t know if I’m supposed to tell you all of this, after all that’s why they kept it private.” _

 

__

 

_ “Are you serious?! “ I whimpered in disbelief. “You can’t stop there or I’ll have a heart attack!” _

 

__

 

_ “Haha, I was just teasing you. Sally said that she is extremely satisfied with Dominic’s progress; she remarked that he seems more open and communicative. Here comes the interesting part: Sally stated that most of the evolution is due to the friendship you two have and she praised you so much!” _

 

__

 

_ I was taken aback a bit by the information. No wonder Mum thanked me for being such a good brother to Dominic, she cares a lot about Sally’s opinion! _

 

__

 

_ “Hey Matty,” my little sister pepped up, “I want you to know that I share Sally’s opinion. You’re taking care of Dominic and you surround him with so much love! You are a great brother to him… in fact, you are the best brother in the world, you are always beside us.” _

Oh my god, I thought I would break down in that moment! I took Bianca in my arms and waited for my eyes to stop watering. The guiltiness I felt for the undeserved kind words coming from my naïve little sister… oh, she would hate me if she knew the dark secret of my heart! Everybody would hate me…

* * * * *

I lost count of the days I haven’t spent in Dominic’s company because they all seem unbearable eternities. I think it’s the ninth morning when I get up earlier than normal so I can go to school alone. I’m brushing my teeth when I remember something which seems to be a recurring dream; I recall flashes from previous nights which are almost exactly the same as the ones from last night.

In my dream, it was dark and I heard heartbreaking sobbing and I remember some red numbers  2:53 . I look at my tired reflection in the mirror and as realization hits me the brush I’m holding falls to the floor with a loud bang. It was not a dream. I was woken up by Dominic’s sobbing and apparently it happened before as well. I have to get out of this house…

* * * * *

I arrive too early to school but it doesn’t matter. I buy a cup of tea and some cookies because I didn’t eat at home; I wanted to avoid family breakfast. My gaze carefully avoids the sight of the oak tree and the bench underneath it. I’d rather stay outside but soon my teeth start chattering which is a sign that I should go to a warmer place.  Luckily, the classroom is almost empty, so I slip in the bench and listen to music until the teacher enters the room.

I draw in, hoping to remain unnoticed. I am quite inactive lately and most of the teachers leave me alone when they see my dejected attitude towards everything. I remember that we have Literature now, a subject I like, but I can’t be bothered to open the textbook. However, some words still manage to reach my ears and brain:

“Oscar Wilde wrote this poem for the actress… it’s of great artistic value… losing the one you love… I’ll recite you _Roses and Rue_.”

I’m doodling random figures and lyrics on the table, but Lizzy give me a poke in the ribs. I hiss while the teacher’s voice fills the room:

_ “And your voice had a quaver in it,  
Just like a linnet,” _

Hmm, this sounds pretty interesting, so I open the book to have the text in front of me. However, the next words hit my heart like poisoned darts:

  
   
__“And your eyes, they were green and grey  
Like an April day,  
But lit into amethyst  
When I stooped and kissed;”

 

I’m afraid the pangs of distress will make me burst into tears, but only the trembling of my hands gives away my bridled feelings. How could he write that?! Did I hear it well? Is even Wilde conspiring against me?! Although I’ve never kissed Dominic… _stop, Bellamy, you mustn’t think about that!_

  
  
__“And your mouth, it would never smile  
For a long, long while”   
  


Inadvertently, I look in Dominic’s direction and my heart sinks when I realise that he’s frowning, the expression making the pouches under his eyes even more noticeable. Poor baby, he looks tired and troubled… the last time I saw him smile seems like ages ago. But I’m not given the chance to bethink myself of this matter any further, because Wilde decided to torture me even more:

 

  
   
__“I remember your hair - did I tie it?  
For it always ran riot -  
Like a tangled sunbeam of gold”

_ How…? _ How is it possible that a poet who lived more than a century before me expressed the same things I feel and described the same things I love and miss about Dominic? A bomb of desperation explodes inside me and I steal a glance at his angelic being before I hide my face and teary eyes.

Lizzy slides a note to me, asking if I’m all right. I scribble “migraine” on the tiny piece of paper, knowing that this keyword will spare me unwanted attention. The next classes pass very slowly, the sounds of my boisterous classmates just a faint background noise compared to my unsettling thoughts.

To my relief, the last period is cancelled, so I walk home at a surprisingly early hour, even though I waited for Dominic to leave first. However, I only find Mum at home; she’s preparing lunch. Stepping into the living room, I behold the beautiful piano that I haven’t played for so many days. It draws me, so I discard my backpack and sit reverently on the seat. I close my eyes and meditate for a couple of minutes before my fingers start dancing on the ivory and black keys.

This is the perfect state of mind, the one I’m absorbed in when I play my favourite instrument. I open my eyes and the brightness of the room blinds me for a few seconds. But even though I blink several times, the blonde with the shiny eyes standing on the other side of the instrument won’t disappear.

“Hi,” I greet him awkwardly, and he raises an eyebrow, “have you been in the garden all this time?”

“No, I went to the cemetery,” Dominic says, and we both shun to look at each other. “Look, Matthew… I wanted to ask you something. Have I upset you somehow? Have I done something bad?”

I wince at his rueful expression; I can’t let him feel guilty for my stupidity!

“No, far from it! Don’t you blame yourself!”

He steps closer, but refuses to believe me: “Matthew, something happened, I know it. You… you’ve been so sad in the last days and you hardly spoke to me.”

I gasp and blush. _What should I tell him? Was he actually worried about me?_ I think he should be worried for himself if he steps closer again. My ability to speak is affected severely by his proximity, so by the time he stands beside me I can only stutter:

“You… you shouldn’t be f-friendly with me, D-Dominic. Keep your distance from me, I’m a bad person.”

He looks amused and points to the seat. I slide to the left to make room for him, pretending that our legs are not touching so I won’t lose my mind. He looks at me and I see a sparkle of mischief in his eyes while he tells me:

“If that’s what you want then okay, but only after you fulfil my wish.”

“Anything,” I reply mesmerized.

“ _Teach me how to play the piano, Matthew_ ,” he whispers as his fingers hover above the keys.

  
Suddenly, all the air in the room disappears. What can a man do when temptation offers itself on a tray to you? I believe I have only one option in this case: accept it, even though it will have consequences. As Oscar Wilde said in his beautiful poem:

  
  
__“Well, if my heart must break,  
Dear love, for your sake,  
It will break in music, I know,  
Poets' hearts break so.”


	8. I've Learned My Lesson

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Bittersweet chapter. There are nice parts, but life is not always rainbows and butterflies. New problem in the family which will bring them closer.

After we wolf down lunch, Dominic and I return to the piano to continue our lesson. I’ve already shown him some theory on paper, like semibreve and other types of notes, the so-called music alphabet, and general information about the piano and the correct posture he should adopt when playing. Now I decide to put into practice the things we’ve discussed because this way it’s easier to remember.

My piano teacher was a very kind old woman who knew how to make children love music. I always had the feeling that we were actually playing; however, she somehow infiltrated so much knowledge into those lovely games! I started taking lessons when I was only five years old, so I’m glad that she taught me according to my age. It was always easier to learn the lessons if I thought about her funny explications, so I decide to teach Dominic the same way.

For example, I absolutely loved her method of finding the C, D and E notes: she made up a little story. I continue the tradition and tell Dominic to find the groups of two black keys.

“Now, D is a dog which always sneaks between two black keys, C is a cat which distracts him on his left and E is the owner of the dog, Emily,” I explain half laughing.

“With a teacher as good as you, playing piano seems a piece of cake!” Dominic smiles contentedly and I feel my cheeks reddening.

“Shush, it’s not only about me, but about you, the learner. If you have willpower and practice a lot, you can become a good player. You don’t have to be born as a second Beethoven, you know?” I reply.

Getting up from the bench, I stretch myself and call for Dominic: “Hey, don’t you want to go up to our room? My back is killing me; I need a bit of rest, if you don’t mind.”

I let Dominic to go ahead since I need to go to the bathroom first. Just as I open the door I catch a glimpse of Dominic’s golden back – he’s changing his school clothes. The sight startles me a bit, but not for the reasons you might think of. I’m quite sure that I saw some red and purplish marks on his golden skin which looked like some old bruises. My stomach clutches with worry, but I decide not to ruin the light mood of this afternoon with my indiscreet questions.

Can you imagine that I’ve never seen him before “half naked”? I barely saw his back for a couple of seconds…it’s just unusual because he always changes his clothes in the bathroom or in the room when I’m not here. Though now I understand that it wasn’t only because of his shyness, he probably tried to hide those spots of violence. Luckily, the bruises don’t look fresh; I’m sure he had them before the adoption. I clench my fists at the thought of the beast that could do that to this precious boy. How can one beat a child?! Especially such a good one like Dominic. It makes me incredibly mad to know that he had to suffer from abuse.

I rub my temples and lie down on my bed. Dominic sits at the desk and something clicks in my mind. I was so astonished by his request downstairs that I forgot to ask him the reason for his sudden eagerness. Remember, when I offered him the same thing two months ago he refused me. I know he probably wanted to accept it, but he said no finally. It’s time to get some explanations.

“Hey Dominic,” I call to him, “I just wonder why did you decide to learn to play the piano?” He blinks and I see his ears becoming redder. “I mean why now? You turned down my offer a couple of months ago.”

“Sorry about that,” Dominic giggles nervously, “I was still quite lost and confused back then. I wanted to, but I didn’t know you well. I was stupid.” he finishes with his cute giggling while he goes to his bed and mirrors my relaxed position, continuing: “but I have this memory of my mother playing the piano. I’m sure she would have liked me to learn it.”

We turn to look at each other in the exact same moment which makes us snicker again. I feel so content and peaceful; the world is drifting me softly on its strong shoulders. I imagine Dominic and me lying on a fluffy cloud and I close my eyes and smile to myself.

“What are you thinking about?” Dominic asks curiously.

 

“ _Nothing_ ,” I laugh lightly. _Oh, I bet you belong among angels, Dominic._

“Before you fall asleep, I just want to thank you for this great afternoon,” Dominic whispers shyly.

I can barely open my heavy eyelids, but I manage to whisper back: “I really enjoyed myself too,” and I punctuate my answer with a sleepy grin.

* * * * *

I wake up two hours later feeling refreshed and ready to finish the day in an energetic way. Surprisingly, there’s a blanket covering my body. _Dominic_. What did I do to deserve his golden heart? He’s not here, so I assume that he went downstairs to watch the TV. I take my phone and stumble to the family circle gathered in the living room.

As soon as I enter, Maya laughs at me, specifically at my “sleep hair”, but Dominic smiles warmly over his book and I don’t care about my rebellious locks anymore. Unfortunately, Bianca is sitting beside him. I ponder over going there and taking Bianca in my lap, but that would be rude and conspicuous. Therefore I’m forced to sit down on an armchair, a tactical place from where I can see everybody, but especially Dominic. Whenever I look at him, the surroundings all blur in front of my eyes, so I have to be careful with my stares.

Hmm, I think my vow to stay away from Dominic was broken this afternoon. Of course, that doesn’t mean that I’ll jump on him tonight when we go to bed or that I will force him into something he doesn’t want, no way! I’ll just let things flow and will wait patiently; I will content myself with contingent kisses on my cheek for Christmas and birthdays. I doubt that Dominic requites my love; that is impossible! He considers me his friend and brother who protects him, roles I happily assume, but deep inside I know I would like to be more.

I look at my phone and notice a text from Chris:

** “Hey, don’t u wanna come 2 the soccer match 2morrow?” **

This would be a great opportunity to spend more time with both Chris and Dominic, so I kind of shout across the room:

“Hey Dominic, Chris sent me a message. He asks if we want to go to the soccer match.”

“I know, he’s already told me about it. He is quite upset that the coach won’t let him play tomorrow,” Dominic responded and added with a smile: “but at least he got us free tickets.”

“Really? Then we should go.” Dominic nods in approval and I look in my parents’ direction: “Mum? Dad? Can we go to the match?”

“If you don’t have any tests the next day you can go,” Mum says and I smile just thinking about the great time we’ll have tomorrow.

“I would be much more pleased if you played,” Dad looks coldly at me, putting his glasses right and taking a pause from his paperwork.

How I hate his steady, ice blue gaze! It makes me feel inferior to him and like I’m a shame or deception for him.

“Dad, you know very well that I have no talent at sports,” I roll my eyes in the hope that he’ll understand that I don’t want to discuss this matter further.

“Of course you don’t have if you don’t practice. It’s not only about talent,” Dad starts one of the usual fights and I’m not going to let him piss me off.

“But talent is the first condition. Without it you’re nowhere,” I retort, my mouth becoming a thin line.

From the corner of my eye, I notice Dominic looking from Dad to me, the situation clearly new to him. My other siblings don’t even bother to stare at us; they’ve heard this fight very often.

“ _Matthew James Bellamy_ , I don’t like the tone you’re using!” Dad’s already fuming. “I thought you are mature enough to see how things work in the world. Do you really think that you’ll get anywhere with playing the piano?! You chose art, the only field which is not appreciated!”

“Good god, Dad, stop flogging a dead horse! Why do you think that sports are so damn important?!” It’s incredible how fast my patience wears thin around him; he irritates my nerves.

“You earn a lot of money easily,” he starts with the first argument, but I can contradict him every time:

“However, you’ll lose all your neurons.”

“Results of your hard work are always visible.”

“Oh, I agree with you: broken legs and arms,” I retort sarcastically.

“You might even become famous; your talent will be appreciated.”

“That’s right, you’ll _screw_ every woman in your way,” I glare at Dad, hoping that my subtle message gets across.

Deafening silence and shocked expressions are the only things I sense in that moment. I’m afraid I overstepped the line, but I won’t eat my words, even though I will suffer the consequences. Of course, only Dad grasped the secret meaning of my response; the others are surprised by my insolent answer. I get up and when I pass the couch, my fingers feather-lightly touch Dominic’s back in the hope that he understands my secret signal and will come after me.

I wait at the stairs and Dominic appears in less than ten seconds. He’s surprised to find me there; maybe he perceived my message only subconsciously? I smile and we climb together in perfect silence. My heartbeat is normal again, thanks to his presence. Dominic is my soothing medicine without any side effects, unless we consider my love for him that. Matt Bellamy, the hopeless romantic…who would have thought that?

When I was a child I had a strange theory about lovers. To my naïve self, it seemed a given fact that my parents were together, it was like an unchangeable and logical truth. However, whenever I saw a pair in the streets or in the park kissing or holding hands, I would always wonder how they found each other. What made me come up with such questions? There was this girl in the kindergarten called Eve who I started to fancy, and even though I picked her flowers and drew her every day, she rejected me and continued to ignore me.

I considered myself the most unlucky being on Earth and nothing’s changed since then. Nobody’s ever reciprocated my feelings, so why would I expect Dominic to do that? He’s probably the best friend I’ve ever had and that should be enough, right?

* * * * *

The next afternoon Dominic and I are hurrying to the sport court. The match starts in six or seven minutes, but we couldn’t come earlier because we had Maths. Chris is waiting for us at the gates and I can tell that he’s quite impatient. He likes to be on time everywhere.

“Hey, you two! Wouldn’t you hurry up, I hate being squashed by the crowd!” he says in an annoyed tone and hands us the free tickets.

“Chris, take it easy, man! We have the tickets, you don’t have to worry. Besides we’re coming from class, not like you!” I explain while we’re slaloming between the already seated pupils. “By the way, thanks for inviting us! It’s good to hang out a little.”

That seems to work with my meek giant friend; he gives me a big bear hug right in the middle of the excited football fans. Finally, we find our places and luckily, I get the seat in the middle. The atmosphere is great already; some of my fellow students are already singing victory songs and shouting encouraging slogans for our school’s team. Although I can’t say that I’m a rooter, I have the jitters and hope that we will see an exciting game.

* * * * *

“Come on, guys, you can do it!” Chris shouts and I’m clapping my hands together with the others, but the referee’s beep puts an end to the first halftime.

The pupils start squirming, a lot of them getting up from their places and leaving either to the bathroom or to grab some snacks. I see Dominic getting up as well, and he asks us:

“Would you like something from the buffet?”

Chris says he’s too nervous to eat anything, but I order a bottle of water. My eyes follow Dominic until his lean form disappears in the crowd. I’m about to open my mouth and comment about the game, but Chris beats me to it:

“Matt, buddy…is everything all right with you?”

His question startles me, and I only answer after a few moments: “Erm, sure, but why do you ask?”

“Dunno, you just seem so distracted lately. You’ve barely talked to me,” he says with a hint of resentfulness in his voice and looks at me with a penetrating gaze.

His statement catches me off guard and I blush before I could deny his accusation.

“Talk to me,” he commands slowly and pats my back as to reassure me.

“I don’t know myself either, Chris” I whisper and wring my hands, “I…I’m just so confused and I don’t know anymore what I feel. There are some sentiments in me which aren’t really appropriate.”

“So, did you fall for somebody?” he inquires and I nod, looking at the ceiling to cover my embarrassment.

“Does this person know about your feelings?”

“Probably not,” I mutter, “but it’s better this way.”

“But what is wrong with her? Is she older than you? Is she a criminal? Or is she one of your teachers?”

I shake my head rapidly. _Far from it, Chris._ He then asks me further questions and I’m about to spill the truth that we’re talking about a “he” when Dominic returns with our drinks, interrupting the awkward interrogation and saving me from embarrassing myself. Luckily, Chris doesn’t get any other opportunities to make me tell him the truth.

* * * * *

Except Chris’ nosy questions, the afternoon was pretty fun, so Dominic and I arrive home in high spirits. We discuss the details cheerfully and a bit still louder. I’m bending to untie my trainers, but a shadow towers over me.

“Come in my office to discuss, Matthew,” Dad hisses and disappears.

I curse under my breath, knowing that this is going to be an obnoxious confrontation, even though the truth is on my side. I enter the dimly lit office; Dad is standing by the window with his back to me.

“Tell me, are you out of your mind, son?!” he attacks me fiercely. “I thought we had a deal!”

“Yes, but I noticed you’re not keeping to the terms. So I had to remind you of them.”

“Matt, I swear you are wrong! I would never do it again! Do you understand? It was a mistake, let’s forget it!”

“It’s not easy to forget that your father was cheating on your mother,” I say bitterly. “You would have continued the affair if I hadn’t discovered that letter from your mistress, right?”

“Matt! That happened three years ago and I regretted it, it was stupid from me! I love your mother and I wouldn’t ever hurt her on purpose! Trust me, please!” he pleads and I notice the trembling of his hands. “You don’t want to compromise me after so many years, right?”

 

I gulp and my thoughts have a full-dress debate. _Believe him, he’s your father. Can’t you see the tears in his eyes? No, what if he does it again? Mum will suffer even more and will accuse you of playing up with him. You should have told her about it three years ago. If you tell it, your family will fall apart like a dream. Like it was never true._

I make my decision: “Okay, Dad. No more acrimonious comments or innuendoes from me.” I bow my head guiltily.

I’m on the point of leaving the room when Dad tells me: “Thank you, Matt. Love you, son.”

We look at each other and I whisper a “Me too” before stepping into the hall and heading to the kitchen. I expect myself to throw a tantrum, to fly into a rage and break some plates, however the burden of Dad’s secret isn’t weighing on me any more and I discover with fascination the liberating effect of forgiveness.

Dominic is sitting at the kitchen table, peacefully gnawing a chocolate cookie and drinking milk. There’s a plate and a glass for me as well and my stomach grumbles at the appetizing sight. It’s just then that I realize how hungry I am; the futile fight cut short my energy.

“Did you have a row with your Dad?” Dominic asks as I pull my stool closer to him.

“Kind of,” comes my short reply, but I know that I can trust him, so I reveal more details: “You see, Dad did something in the past, something bad, and I was the only one who knew about it. I promised to keep it private if he ended it, but I had a hunch lately that he broke his words.”

I pause briefly to sip a bit of milk; Dominic is still granting me his full attention, so I continue: “Luckily, I misunderstood his actions and we settled our differences earlier.”

“So everything is fine now?” Dominic asks tactfully and slips the last cookie on my plate.

The kind gesture makes me smile; I take the cookie, break it in two and offer one of the halves to Dominic while replying: “Yes, everything is _very_ fine.”

I can’t decide which thing is sweeter: the cookie or Dominic’s smile, I feel really spoiled now. Sometimes things turn out better than what you expect. After all, Dad could have just left us, but he didn’t. He could have chosen the easier life with a young woman beside him and without the annoying kids and problems, but he didn’t. He stayed and that’s all that matters. We are a terrific family.


	9. The Way to Paradise is Long

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Unexpected happenings.

“Wow, there are only three days left ‘til our holiday!” Robert says as he draws a big, red X on today’s square on the calendar.

 

“I can’t wait for that school-free week; I’m really fed up with all the stupid homework!” Maya complains and strangely, we all agree with her.

 

“I thought you’re looking forward to the family trip because we can spend some time together!” Mum shakes her head, though she knows very well that we wouldn’t ever admit such a thing.

 

Mum is writing a list of the things we have to pack and asks us if we have anything else to add to it, but as usually, we don’t really care about such practical things. My siblings disappear one after the other, but I linger in the room because I want to ask Mum about an issue which treads on delicate ground. I’ve been puzzling over the matter, but I need to find out precise information, otherwise my mind will come up with the worst scenarios.

 

“Erm, Mum…I’d like to ask you something. It’s serious, so please don’t hide the truth or something.”

 

“Matt, dear, you’re scaring me! What is it about?” Mum asks concerned.

 

“I’m not sure, but I think Dominic was abused before he came here,” I say cautiously, getting up from the sofa and pacing around the room.

 

Mum’s eyes bug out and she presses her lips together. She looks down at the list and asks: “Did Dominic tell you anything?”

 

I shake my head, flustered, and the relieved expression on Mum’s face accounts for my suspicions that she’s concealing something.

 

“I don’t know where you got this crazy idea, but it’s not true. He was treated well by his previous family and in the orphanage too. Now, if you don’t mind, I have some things to do,” with these words Mum disappears, leaving me with the firm conviction that something is really off here.

 

* * * * *

 

I am in an unfamiliar, dimly lit building but I know that I have to search for something there. I climb some grey stairs and finally, I hear someone shouting my name. My stomach clenches with fear, but even though I look everywhere around, I can’t see anybody. _“Maaaattheeeew!”_ rings the voice again and I recognize it as Dominic’s. I breathe faster; I know he’s in danger and I run ahead, barely noticing the places I pass. Spots of black and leaden on the walls, everything in this building is dirty and repulsive.

 

He calls me again and I can hear him crying this time. I stop briefly to catch my breath and I almost swoon at the sight of a streamlet of blood on the white marble. I follow its path only to find the most horrible thing I’ve ever seen: Dominic is being whipped by a furious madman, his back covered with deep wounds and bleeding heavily. The blonde boy screams in pain, sound to which my weak knees give up and I howl his name, shaking with anger, terror and powerlessness.

 

“Matthew, wake up! It’s just a dream!” Dominic grips my shoulders to stop my body from jerking and continues to whisper soothing things: “Shh, it was just a nightmare! You’re safe now!”

 

My wobbling hands grasp the first thing they come into contact, that being Dominic’s pyjama top, and I continue sobbing for a while into the soft fabric, his warm, familiar smell calming my overexcited nerves. I wipe away the tears which blur my vision and I feel the bed bouncing as Dominic sits down beside me. I keep my palms on my puffy eyes and mumble embarrassedly: “Oh god, I’m so sorry that I woke you up!”

 

I feel a warm hand rubbing my back and a soft voice whispering: “It doesn’t matter. You can go back to sleep now.”

 

I’m about to protest against the idea, fearing a new string of terrifying images, but Dominic’s hand works magic and suddenly, I find myself being laid on my back. Somebody covers me and gentle fingers brush away my damp fringe and stroke my hot forehead until I fall asleep, but this time I have peaceful dreams.

 

* * * * *

 

The next day I don’t even dare to look into Dominic’s eyes, but he acts like nothing had happened, so I quickly forget about my pesky stunt from last night. We are doing what we hope to be our last Maths homework when the telephone rings. Mum lifts it up and from what I can make out she’s talking to Dad. The conversation ends soon and Mum calls us.

 

“Boys, your father just called to say that he got a fantastic offer for a seaside cottage and he already arranged finances, so we’re renting it for five days!”

 

“Oh, that’s great!” I say and Dominic smiles excitedly.

 

“Now, your father has an important meeting so he can’t go himself, but he told me to send you two after the keys. Here’s the address,” and she hands me a note, “do you know where this travel agency is?”

 

I look at the piece of paper and rub my eyes. “I think so…beside the park, right?”

 

“Yes. Put on your coats and go, you need to be there in twenty minutes before it closes.”

 

We dress up quickly; Dominic asks me if we should carry our umbrellas, but I just laugh and lead him out of the house. The walk is not that short, so we become a bit overheated by the time we reach the travel agency, where we are greeted by a panicked man and woman.

 

“Mr. Bellamy?” the short man asks and I nod, unaccustomed to such a formal greeting. “I’m afraid we have a problem here.”

 

 _Shit._ I hope it’s not because of us…

 

“Your father spoke to Miss Hermann,” he points to the tall, blonde woman, “but unfortunately, she doesn’t speak English very well and misinformed Mr. Bellamy.”

 

The tall woman blushes and starts apologising, but her boss silences her angrily. I swear, this would be very comical if it wasn’t happening to us.

 

“I’m sorry to say this, but the offer your father paid for is no longer available,” the man shrugs and shows us some brochures. “However, I still have one free cottage left for this weekend, maybe you’d like to rent it?”

 

Dominic and I look at each other, frowning. I ask the price and if it has the same facilities, but I get a negative answer: “No, sir, this cottage is smaller, it only has two rooms: one of them with a double and the other has two beds, so I’d recommend it for maximum five persons.”

 

Well, that means we can’t all go to the seaside. I pout, but decide to call Dad and tell him the whole story. He’s quite angry at first, but he then speaks with the boss and to my surprise, Dad agrees to rent it. I take the keys and a brochure of how to get there, and we set off for home.

 

The overcast sky worries me, so I suggest to Dominic that we walk as fast as possible. As if on cue, I feel the first cold raindrop on my forehead and too soon, it’s raining heavily. We run, not caring about wetting our trainers or trousers, but after only three or four minutes we’re already soaked. At first, the chilly raindrops flowing down on the hot skin of my back create a nice feeling, but I start shivering after a few moments. _Only a few streets, only a few streets_ I keep telling myself, though I have to admit I hardly see anything in this horrible weather.

 

By the time we get home, Dominic and I are both blue and frozen. Mum is waiting for us at the door, commanding us to peel off our clothes and run into the bathroom to take a good, hot bath. I see Dominic’s bruised back again, so I have the confirmation that I haven’t imagined it. I go into the girls’ bathroom to spare Dominic the embarrassment of bathing surrounded by pink toiletries.

 

I cannot describe the relief I feel once my frozen limbs begin thawing, life and power returning in them. I stay long enough to be warm and then put on my pyjamas and a thick bathrobe. Mum tucks me in my bed and makes me drink a hot tea and swallow an aspirin “just in case”. Dominic is already lying under a few blankets, he’s barely peeking out from under the big pile. As if to contradict my words, he sneezes a huge sneeze.

 

“Bless you! I think you’ve already caught a cold!” I say worriedly.

 

“No, I’ll be fine by tomorrow morning. I just need to sleep it off,” the blonde answers, and slips lower on his pillow.

 

I can’t sleep yet, so I go downstairs to pass time. My folks are discussing the issue with the cottage and they are both worried about how could we all go. I suggest bringing a mattress with us, but it’s doubtful that we could transport it. With another cup of tea in my hands I watch a police series on the telly, hoping to get a bit more sleepy. As soon as I feel the desired effect taking control over me, I saunter back to my room and fall asleep.

 

* * * * *

 

It’s so difficult to leave the bed the next morning; by choice I would hug the pillow to myself and slumber at least two more hours. To my biggest surprise Dominic is still sleeping, though he’s always awake by the time I get out of bed. He doesn’t hear me calling his name, so I stumble to his bed half-asleep, and nudge him.

 

“Leave me alone, I wanna sleep,” he snaps and pulls the covers over his head.

 

I giggle and decide to wake Dominic up with another technique: I’ll tickle him to death. However, when my fingers touch the exposed skin of his neck and collarbone, I pull them back very quickly. He’s burning up! I shake him up now and his shiny eyes are not a good sign.

 

“Matthew, I don’t feel well, I think I have a fever,” he whispers weakly.

 

I touch his forehead and let my fingers linger there longer than necessary, touching his left cheek when I draw back my hand. I run down and tell Mum that Dominic is ill. She’s busy packing sandwiches for the twins, but asks me to give him some kind of medicine. I go back with it and a glass of water. Dominic nodded off again, so I have to wake him up and help him sit up. I give him the pill and bring the glass to his mouth. He drinks it eagerly and I tuck him back under the covers. I’d rather stay and take care of Dominic, but I know that I have to go to school.

 

* * * * *

 

I feel like I could pull out my hair right now. I can’t focus at all; however, the Maths teacher is torturing us with a difficult lesson even on the last day. My thoughts keep returning to the blonde boy lying sick in his bed. I have the blues every time my eyes fall on his empty seat or maybe I’m coming down with something as well. Why can’t I go home and be there beside his bed?! Under the table, I type a message to him on my phone:

 

**“You have no idea how boring is school. How are you? :)”**

 

I almost type “You have no idea how boring is school _without you_.” but I delete that part before sending it. I almost jump out of my skin when I get a response:

 

**“Well, I’m not having fun either, ha! Good, have to be in bed though. Come home after classes pls.”**

 

I’m sure even the teacher noticed my huge grin, but I couldn’t care less! Dominic wants me to go home as soon as I can. _Oh my god, could this get any better?_ My thumbs tremble as I reply:

 

**“Wouldn’t go anywhere else, though you’d better get rid of those nasty germs. I’ll be home in 2 hours.”**

 

When the bells ring, I’m already at the door and running down on the corridor. I’ve never considered myself an athlete, but hell; I have a reason to be fast now! On the way home I stop at the bakery to buy two chocolate croissants. They are still warm and smell delicious. I go directly upstairs and smile broadly when I find Dominic awake, reading Harry Potter.

 

“Hey, I thought somebody kidnapped you on your way,” Dominic jests and makes room for me on his bed.

 

“No, but I kidnapped something for you,” I say and clatter the brown paper bag.

 

He peeks into it and smiles: “Yummy, I was craving something sweet! Thank you!”

 

We nibble the croissants with relish while I tell Dominic about the day’s events, though he didn’t miss much. After we finish eating, I ask Dominic’s permission and lean against the headboard. I don’t think I’ve ever been this close to him…I mean we’re reclining against the same pillow. He resumes reading and I just lie there. A few minutes later Mum and Dad arrive home. They come to check Dominic, but it’s obvious that he can’t go anywhere; he needs to rest a lot.

 

“George, what should we do?” Mum looks at Dad and wrings her hands, “We can’t call off the trip now.”

 

Dad hums deep in thought, and I think it’s the right time to expose my brilliant idea: “What if I remain with Dominic at home? There’s no way we could all go and the tiny cottage wouldn’t be big enough for us anyway.”

 

I almost jump in surprise when a warm hand squeezes mine, but Dominic’s hand disappears before I could hold it. My parents draw aside to discuss my proposal and Dominic whispers: “You don’t have to stay here, Matthew. Go and have fun.”

 

“I don’t think I’d have fun there, you know,” I answer pretending to be upset by his request.

 

My parents come back to Dominic’s bed and Dad asks me in a serious tone: “Matt, are you sure you want to take upon yourself this responsibility?”

 

“Very sure, I can finally play computer games as much as I want!” I pretend to be indifferent and cool, but inside, I am dying to be alone with Dominic.

 

My parents start discussing again, deliberating if they should go and leave us alone or if I’m able to take care of a sick person.

 

“I’m not that ill, it’s just a simple cold,” Dominic chimes in.

 

His words seem to weigh a lot because Mum finally gives her consent, though she makes me promise solemnly that I will call her if Dominic’s situation gets worse. My siblings are all done packing, so at around six o’clock they leave for the two-hour journey. I’m about to wave goodbye when Mum smacks her forehead and yells: “Oh lord, I forgot my identity card. Matthew, please go in our bedroom and look for it in my night stand’s drawer!”

 

I hurry and search in the indicated place; however, I also notice another interesting object there, namely a folder with Dominic’s name on it. Not to be suspicious, I go back to the car and give Mum the wanted document, though my thoughts concentrate on the possible contents of the folder.

 

As soon as I see the car disappearing, I swear I can hear angel choruses singing “Hallelujah”. I congratulate myself for the clever plan and return into the house with a smile on my face. Dominic and I alone in a big house for five days – that’s definitely how I would define my personal paradise.


	10. Roses or the Song of Our Love

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> The boys are home alone...

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> The song Matt sings in this chapter is called [Roses by Poets of the Fall](https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=KS2b1eSWUdo)

My courage and enthusiasm slowly fades away as I enter the house _. Okay, Matt, you got what you wanted: you are alone with Dominic. But what to do next? Are you going to kneel in front of him and confess your feelings? Or maybe you’ll just jump on the poor, sick boy and snog him to death? Not a bad idea, though you’d fuck up even that infinitesimal chance you have to ever gain his affection._ I don’t know why I’ve imagined that getting rid of my family would suddenly transform me into a Prince Charming that Dominic would not be able to resist.

I had the opportunity at school to observe the behaviour of lovesick people and I don’t want to fall into the same trap as them. They didn’t even notice, but they made complete fools of themselves. They became ridiculous by expressing their love honestly for someone and that person didn’t even care about it or worse, exploited them. I know that Dominic wouldn’t ever do that to anyone, but I’d like to preserve my dignity in every moment of my life. I will show my love in subtle ways through gentle words, sighs, and glances full of admiration and small but meaningful gestures. I’ll be more considerate and gallant than the best knight from the legends of our childhoods.

However, as soon as I step into the room and Dominic looks at me with his big eyes, I am reminded of how good I feel around him. It’s easy to be myself with him because he doesn’t judge me; he accepts my weird personality. If he is in the same room with me, words like meanness, fear and angst lose their negative meaning; they simply disappear from my dictionary. We spend an hour or so chatting, but I see Dominic’s face becoming redder and he tells me that he feels feverish again.

I take his temperature and it’s clear that he’s having a bout of fever, so he swallows the medicine Mum left on his nightstand. I know fever tends to rise in the evenings, but we have to take care of it. I go in the bathroom to damp some clothes which would cool Dominic’s hot skin. Mum always used this trick and although I hated it with my whole heart and bellowed to take the wet fabrics off me, it helped a lot in bringing down my temperature.

At first, Dominic hisses when I touch his forehead with the ice cold cloth, but he gets used to it as my hand travels lower on his neck. I tie two other pieces of fabric around his wrists while blowing cold air on his face, remembering that it enhances the cooling effect. He giggles and asks me to do it again.

“Do you feel better?” I ask hopefully, willing to do anything that is in my power.

“Definitely. Thank you, Matthew. You’d make a great nurse,” Dominic smiles mischievously.

“Oi! I didn’t know cheekiness is a side effect of fever, young man!” I reply with feigned pique and I wipe Dominic’s mouth playfully with the cloth.

“Hey, what was that for?” he protests, laughing.

“So you learn to watch your tongue! Anyway, what would you like to have for supper?”

Dominic grimaces and shakes his head.

“Come on, you have to eat something! You didn’t have anything else besides the croissant today and you’ve just taken that pill, you might have tummy aches later,” I whine.

“No, I don’t have an appetite now. Think I’m going to fall asleep,” Dominic says and yawns.

Despite my initial relief, Dominic’s sleep is more like a spasm contest: the fever doesn’t let him rest peacefully. He jerks and utters incomprehensible things, throwing the covers off of his overheated body. I watch him and ask myself what I can do to help him when the telephone rings. The name on the phone’s screen makes me go white with fear, but nevertheless I answer Mum’s call.

“Hey, sweetie! We’ve just arrived to the cottage. How are you two?” Mum chirps.

“Hi, Mum! We? We’re good. Nothing interesting,” I say as calmly as possible.

“How’s Dominic? I hope you didn’t forget to give him his medicine! Could you please give the phone to him?”

“Don’t worry, he’s fine,” I lie and watch Dominic turning about in his bed, “he took the pill half an hour ago. He’s sleeping now, so I guess you have to wait until tomorrow.”

“Fine. Matthew, I hope you will let me know if there’s any problem,” Mum’s voice turns almost threatening and I rub my face nervously.

“Of course, Mum. Don’t worry, just enjoy your vacation, yeah?”

“Right. Talk to you tomorrow then. Have sweet dreams! Bye!” Mum ends the call and I sigh with relief.

There’s a fair chance that if I’d said something about Dominic’s fever, they would have returned home and my plan would have gone up in smoke. I don’t think it will be necessary, but if Dominic’s state aggravates, I won’t hesitate to call my parents. I steal a glance at the golden locks spread on the pillow and the precious patch of tanned skin revealed by the pyjama top which has ridden up during his turning about. A bit reluctantly, I cover Dominic with a flimsy blanket.

Knowing that my parents are hundreds of miles away, I sneak into their bedroom and open the drawer in the nightstand to snatch the folder I discovered a few hours ago. I feel a bit of guilt, but my insatiable curiosity suppresses it quickly. Going back upstairs, I take a chair from the desk beside Dominic’s bed so I can keep an eye on him and watch his sleep while I look into the report. As I anticipated, it contains important documents like his birth certificate and the adoption papers, but the things that intrigue me are the reports made by the orphanage and social workers.

That’s how I find out that Dominic was first adopted when he was five years old. The social workers presented the new family as a harmonious one. Unfortunately, the father died two years later and the widow, who was unemployed and had a baby girl to take care of, couldn’t support Dominic financially any more. He spent the next several years in an orphanage, where the educators described him as a timid, introverted and very sensitive child. He was unable to make friends and my heart sinks when I read about the mocking he had to bear from his mates.

I bite my lip as I reach the last pages about the family that adopted Dominic seven months before us. The cause of the bruises on Dominic’s back was the alcoholic father who would beat him and his wife, who would menace him if he threatened to tell anyone about it. Finally, the neighbours told the authorities and Dominic was taken back to the orphanage. I wince and bite my nails while reading the description of the bruises and Dominic’s testimony. I still can’t believe how anyone could abuse a child! Poor, poor baby…No wonder he mistrusted our family in the beginning, he was afraid of going through the same hell…

I feel tired and my thoughts are in a whirl, so I sneak the folder back to its place and make sure to put it exactly where it was before. My initial idea is to go back to my room and spend the night on the chair, but that would be uncomfortable. However, I wouldn’t be able to see or hear if anything is wrong from my bed, and after reading that report I’d like to be near Dominic. I suddenly have a brainstorm as I open the door of the walk-in closet: I look for the sleeping bag in the corner and smile as I find it.

If I saw someone doing this, I would probably laugh at them, but I feel the need to be there, as close as possible, to Dominic. Two more layers of blankets and the sleeping bag becomes as comfortable as a bed. One last glance at Dominic to make sure that he’s all right, and finally, my heart can settle down and let me sleep.

* * * * *

Suddenly, something heavy steps on my left thigh and I rouse with a loud shriek:

 

“OUCH!!!! What the heck?!”

 

“Matthew? What are you doing down there?” Dominic asks as he pulls his legs back, astonished to find me on the floor.

I sit up, wide awake, and tousle my hair in confusion. With a side glance to the clock, I learn that it’s already  ten o’clock . I was supposed to wake up before Dominic in order to avoid awkward explanations:

“Well, you had a rough evening, I thought you’d become sicker. If I don’t take care of you, Mum will throw me out the window,” I laugh and hope that my reason is credible enough. It’s time to change the subject: “Anyway, good morning! How do you feel?”

“Morning! Actually much better, thanks,” Dominic says and stretches himself.

_ Don’t stare at his stomach, Matthew, you are not a creepy pervert! _ It is most desirable to keep those thoughts locked in a dark corner of your mind.

“Earth to Matthew!” a hand waves in front of my eyes.

I blush and shake my head: “Sorry, I zoned out. What did you say?”

“I’m going to take a shower if that’s okay,” Dominic says and I nod.

“Sure, I think I’ll go down and prepare breakfast. Do eggs and bacon sound good?” I ask while folding the sleeping bag and putting it back in the closet.

“Delicious! I could eat a horse!” Dominic rubs his stomach with a sore expression and stumbles away to the bathroom.

“I told you yesterday to eat, but you refused. Anyway, you can catch up at breakfast,” I yell as I caper down on the stairs with a huge grin plastered on my face.

I prepare the ingredients on the counter and I whistle along with the song playing on the radio while frying the eggs and bacon. My heart feels like a stray puppy which finally found a loving home and family; making breakfast for Dominic and me is such an intimate situation! The mouth-watering aromas of toast and bacon fill the kitchen and I smile when Dominic sits down at the table and sniffs at the air.

“Voilà!” I exclaim when I put on the table the two plates with our nourishing breakfast, though I also have to apologise: “Sorry about the toast, I burnt it a bit.”

“Oh, no, everything is perfect!” Dominic licks his lips and we both eat well.

We don’t get up after we clear all the food; it’s so nice to just sit and talk on a Saturday morning while sipping hot tea.

“Dominic, do you regret not going to the seaside?” I inquire a bit anxiously.

“No, well, maybe a bit, but it’s good here as well. We can go to the seaside some time later, right?” he winks and I’m surprised by the light tone of his voice.

“Aren’t you cross with me, though? You have to stay home because of me,” I say guiltily.

Dominic coughs and frowns: “What do you mean? I was the one who fell ill!”

“Yes, but you wanted to take the umbrellas with us and I told you it was unnecessary. If we had had them on us, you wouldn’t be sick,” I finish my train of thought and curl into a ball of culpableness.

“Matthew, this is nonsense. We would have soaked in that violent storm with umbrellas too. Don’t eat your heart out about it, okay?” Dominic whispers and puts his hand slowly on my right shoulder.

I have the impression he’s only now learning, or maybe relearning, to be in such a close relationship with someone. He trusts me enough to show his sympathy through his gentle and considerate gesture, and I smile encouragingly to ease his nerves. This was another step to deepen our friendship, the invisible bond which unites our hearts.

We spend the next hours playing computer games and then I have to go alone on a walk with Luna. Dominic wants to accompany me, but it’s cold outside and he needs to recover completely before facing the chilly, late November weather. On the way home I buy a big pizza for lunch and hurry back to Dominic. I find him lying on the sofa in the living room and watching the telly.

“Hey Matthew, Spiderman 3 has just started! Wanna watch it?” Dominic asks with his eyes glued to the screen.

“Sure, I’m just going to take the ketchup for the pizza,” I reply as I’m peeking into the fridge, searching for a bottle of ketchup and Dominic informs me that Mum called ten minutes ago and he ensured her about his wellbeing.

The good thing about watching movies is that you can sit closer to the other person without them being suspicious. Maybe we should have chosen a horror movie and then I could have held Dominic in my arms. _Dream on, Bellamy. If you keep having fantasies maybe one day you’ll make a Freudian slip and you’ll be doomed for the rest of your life._ As I’m mulling things over I forget to eat and Luna snatches a piece of pizza out of my hand.

“Luna!” I yell in consternation while Dominic is laughing his head off beside me, “Hey, it’s not funny!” I reproach him, but I can’t be angry when I see him so cheerful.

“It is, it is…you’re a funny guy,” Dominic says, still chuckling and I look at him.

He starts giggling again and I roll my eyes before asking: “What now? What’s so funny?”

Dominic grabs a napkin and reaches to the right corner of my mouth to wipe it gently: “You had a bit of ketchup there.”

He looks in my eyes, but I wouldn’t be able to utter anything right now; I gulp but to no effect, his closeness is just too beguiling. We turn away from each other and watch the movie without making any further comments for a while. I beckon Luna to the sofa and she snuggles comfortably between Dominic and me, enjoying the doubled attention she receives.

At the end of the movie, I gather the empty boxes and head to the kitchen to throw them in the trash. I tidy the table and the counter and do the washing-up while humming a song I recently took a liking to.

“That sounds very familiar. Which song is that?” Dominic inquires as he walks in and brings the glasses I forgot in the living room.

“Yeah, I’ve been learning to play it on my acoustic guitar. It’s called ‘Roses’ by Poets of the Fall,” I reply. Looking out the window, I watch the sun gilding weakly the last minutes of the afternoon.

“Great, then show it to me!” Dominic exclaims excitedly and hands me a cloth to wipe my hands.

“But I don’t know it so well, I haven’t practised it for a couple of days,” I hesitate, albeit my feet still follow Dominic to our room.

He sits down on his bed and I look fearfully towards the corner of the room where I keep my acoustic guitar. I try to protest again, but the blonde’s determination to see me embarrass myself is unrelenting, so I sigh deeply and sit on the edge of my own bed and start playing.

The reason for my hesitation isn’t the lack of practice as I’ve told Dominic (I know the song perfectly), but the fact that this song reminds me of him. It’s melancholic and sweet, sad and elating at the same time; it sooths my heartache and fills me with a subtle sense of joy. I sing the first lines rather quietly with my eyes closed, but I’m soon absorbed in the magic of music:

_ “And so I came to gaze upon the stars, when they were yet unborn  
And consequently, tear at my old scars, and the mask I had outworn” _

When I first heard it, I could hardly believe how well it described my feelings and how deeply it touched me.

_ “So when I'm crying alone  
Yeah, when I'm cold as a dying stone.” _

__

I always feel like that when Dominic is not around me…but he’s here now, watching my performance with awe.

__“Grow me a garden of roses  
Paint me the colours of sky and rain  
Teach me to speak with their voices  
Show me the way and I'll try again.”

__

The chorus always makes me smile and gives me confidence, so I sing it enthusiastically, stealing a few glances at the blonde to whom I’m addressing these beautiful lyrics. Because he does speak through the wonders of life, his language is the language of innocence, love and delicacy.

_ “I've tried my best at wearing the hard hat, but healing doesn't seem to happen when you hide away the seed.”  
_

__

I tried to stay away from him; God knows how much I suffered! It didn’t help me at all; I was lifeless, hollow, a faded ghost of myself.

__“Without you I'm nothing at all  
And life has the face of a morbid game.  
With you nothing seems impossible  
It all seems to fit the frame.”

I can’t control myself anymore, so I look right in the pair of grey eyes whose owner makes me experience all these intense sentiments. If I didn’t know the impossibility of my statement, I’d say that’s a look of admiration on Dominic’s face. The song ends with the repetition of the chorus and I place the guitar beside the bed.

“Wow! That was lovely! You’re a talented guitarist!” Dominic acknowledges and claps; my face colours with a deep shade of red.

“Yeah right,” I mutter and scratch the back of my neck.

“Who did you think about while singing?”

“Excuse me?!” I cry out, hoping that I heard his question wrongly.

“Well, you sang so passionately. You must have had someone on your mind,” Dominic states confidently and moves to my bed.

“Oh god,” I moan and cover my face, unable to deny his words.

“Come on, _Matty_ , you can tell me,” he almost purrs in my ear and I shudder both at his tone and use of the nickname I haven’t heard before from him.

“I think you might have an idea about it,” I whisper and take my hands away from my eyes; there’s no more purpose in hiding.

“I want to hear it.” I watch Dominic’s beautiful mouth forming the fateful response.

 

_ Now or never. _

“You,” I say determinedly, and the sparkle animating Dominic’s grey eyes encourages me to lean in and unite our lips.

Despite the sweet pleasure, I pull back a second later and mumble: “I-I’m sorry, I’m sorry, I don’t know why…” but Dominic hugs me tightly, interrupting my incoherent speech. My poor heart pounds so fast under Dominic’s head and I’m overwhelmed by a multitude of sensations. _Is this even real?_ My hands snake around his waist and I put my head on his, smelling the solidified rays of sunshine I am so fond of.

“Dominic,” I whisper afraid of breaking this dream, “is this…isn’t this scaring you?”

He shakes his head on my chest and I gulp nervously. I feel his hands rubbing my back and he finally looks in my eyes. I cup his face and study it with a mix of amazement and reverence. A crimson ray of the setting sun falls on Dominic’s angelic face and I suddenly remember a few verses of Wilde’s poem, ‘Roses and Rue’: _“your eyes…lit into amethyst/ When I stooped and kissed”._ Dominic’s eyes definitely turned into amethyst in the unusual light, but they have always been more enthralling than any precious stone in the whole world.

I touch my lips to his repeatedly and enjoy the tingling that runs through my whole body every time he strokes my face gingerly with his fingers. A few tears threaten to escape my eyes, therefore I bury my face in Dominic’s hair and let his hands explore from my dishevelled locks to the small of my back. I lie back on the bed and drag Dominic with me; he places his head in the crook of my neck and caresses my arms.

“You have no idea how much I’ve been dreaming about this,” I say and sigh deeply, kissing his forehead to make sure that he’s still there.

“That means we’ve had the same dreams, Matty,” Dominic replies and we hug each other so tightly it is like we were born this way.


	11. The Lull Before the Storm

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> The boys get close...

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I was/am quite nervous about this part because I'm not sure about my ability to write such intimate scenes, but I tried my best. :)

If sometimes I assure myself when having nightmares that it is just a dream and I would soon wake up to a much more peaceful reality; this time, I have to tell myself over and over that I’m not dreaming. It’s so heavenly to have Dominic in my arms; I’m finally living my dream instead of dreaming my life.

 

However, our relationship hasn’t changed in one aspect: we don’t necessarily need words to understand each other. We change positions and now Dominic is lying on his back and I’m glued to his side, leaning over him and asking permission with my eyes to explore his body. It is a method to make sure that he’s real and not just a fantasy of my lovesick and wicked mind.

 

My index finger starts its exploration from Dominic’s forehead; it slowly glides down onto the ridge of his nose and stops at the contour of his fleshy, tempting upper lip. I feel like the famous masters of painting as I “draw” his symmetrical Cupid’s bow which could be the pride of any creating god. I can’t resist leaving the sensitive skin without pressing there a few smacking kisses; Dominic giggles and leans up to meet my lips again, but my index finger stops him.

 

“Ah ah, I want to spoil you now. You can get your own time when you can have fun,” I whisper and watch as Dominic relaxes on the bed and lets me satisfy my curiosity.

 

My lips take over the exploration and they travel across Dominic’s soft cheeks to his eyelids, which are rewarded with the lightest kisses. His quivering eyelashes, which are fluttering like small bird’s wings, receive the same treatment. I feel salty wetness in the corner of his eye and my lips sop it up. Next, I feel the golden hairs of his eyebrow under my mouth and finally, I scatter pecks randomly, all over his lovely glowing face.

 

In an opera, the ending has to bring the catharsis, something that would shake the participants, and therefore I initiate our first long kiss. A ball of emotions forms in my stomach and fire sweeps up my spine as we open our mouths slightly. Dominic puts his arms around my neck and brings our bodies flush, which makes us both whimper. We stop to catch our breath and look in each other’s eyes.

 

“As much as I’d like to continue, we need to talk,” I sigh and Dominic nods.

 

We both sit up and lean against the pillow, keeping a bit of distance between us, just to be safe. All I’d like to do this evening is hug him and just be close to him, but there are some issues which need to be clarified. It’s so difficult to find the right words in moments like this, but I need to start somewhere.

 

“Dominic, do you realise that we are practically brothers?” I ask nervously, as if fearing that he will wake up from a spell upon hearing my words, “I have no idea about the laws, but I don’t think this is allowed, or surely not before we come of age.”

 

Dominic smiles at me and puts his hand on mine, whispering seriously: “You’ve been more than a brother to me, Matthew. After all, we are not blood relatives, why wouldn’t we be allowed to be together?”

 

“I don’t know, social workers are quite conservative and narrow-minded, I’m sure they would take you away,” I conclude with a pout and take Dominic’s hand in mine before continuing: “And I don’t want that. I don’t want to lose you, Dominic…”

 

“Neither do I,” he replies and we lace our fingers together. “We must keep it secret and be very, very careful until we go to university or something…”

 

“Right, it will be a real challenge. The challenge of our lives,” I say bitterly, and wince at the thought of not being able to stroke my blonde angel any time I want.

 

“That’s why we have to make the most of the days we have alone,” Dominic whispers as he snuggles into me.

 

“Well, I’ve never heard anyone condensing two years in two days, but we can try,” I jest to lighten the mood.

 

“Not exactly two years, Matthew,” Dominic replies and adds: “No wonder the Maths teacher doesn’t like you.”

 

I put my hand on my heart and gasp dramatically as if he had offended me deeply: “How can you say that, Mister Howard? Everyone likes me!”

 

I tickle his ribs and enjoy the lovely giggles that escape his mouth.

 

“I wonder what your parents would say if they knew about this,” Dominic muses after he catches his breath.

 

“I don’t even want to think about it,” I say with a grimace, but I know that at some point we will have to consider this thing as well: “Well, suppose we’re fine until we finish school and hopefully, you’ll still want to put up with me.” I laugh at Dominic’s expression; he’s indignant that I presumed the subsidence of his feelings.

 

“I guess we have to tell them when we go to university, right? We’ll move out and even if we don’t choose the same subject, we’ll be close to each other,” I depict the possible situation and Dominic agrees.

 

“We have time to think about that,” Dominic replies and yawns.

 

“Oh, I think the baby should go to bed and rest. He had enough fun for one day,” I coo and pinch Dominic’s cheek playfully.

 

“Har har,” Dominic mutters as he gets up and rubs his eyes, “I think _the nanny had more fun than the baby_. You shouldn’t worry though, the baby rallies day after day.” Dominic grins mischievously and I blush.

 

However, I’m surprised even more when Dominic starts moving the nightstand between our beds. I ask quizzically: “What are you doing?”

 

“I don’t want you to sleep on the floor again and I’m not sure we could sleep comfortably in a single bed, so I thought about putting them together,” Dominic says and bites his lip, “if you want, of course.”

 

“You’re a genius!” I yell and leap for joy, hugging Dominic briefly and moving the nightstand which stands in the way of our happiness.

 

The sight of the new, “double bed” fills me with cheer and I bounce on the flexible mattress. I watch as Dominic measures his temperature and takes an antifebrile.

 

“Do you have a fever again?” I ask worriedly and touch his reddening cheeks.

 

“A bit, nothing to worry about. I’m just hot,” he states and fans himself.

 

I almost blurt out “I know”, but instead I advise him to put on a t-shirt instead of his pyjama top and to take a thinner blanket. He does so and I change my clothes as well. There’s a moment of awkwardness as we slip under the covers, both of us on our side of the bed. I’m not sure how close we should get or if this is appropriate, but my left hand creeps slowly towards him and suddenly, it bumps into Dominic’s searching fingers. I have no idea if this is telepathy or a subconscious thing, but we lace our fingers eagerly and I sigh with relief.

 

* * * * *

 

In the morning I wake up from what I call a warm, restful sleep: no nightmares and nothing stirred me up; I woke naturally. However, I discover that the source of warmth is Dominic. Somehow, in the course of the night, we changed our sleeping positions and I ended up with my head next to the back of Dominic’s neck, the rest of our bodies tightly aligned and adopting the shape of the other.

 

It feels natural when I press a kiss to his neck, still quite sleepy, and I nuzzle up to him. To my greatest surprise, instead of the fabric of the t-shirt I meet soft skin. I blink to get rid of the cloudiness blurring my vision and pull away a bit to inspect the situation. I didn’t imagine it; Dominic _is_ half naked. I have a look round in the room and find the piece of cloth in question hanging lazily from the bedside lamp. I laugh to myself as I imagine Dominic throwing it in his sleep and the noise makes Dominic shift.

 

His hand gropes for my hand and he squeezes it. I return the gesture, which feels like a morning greeting. I place my head closer to his back and my eyes sweep over the fading bruises. I place light kisses on them not to cause pain and somehow hoping, in the back of my mind, that they would help the healing process. Dominic squeezes my hand again and I scoot even closer to the person who fills me with contentment. However, Dominic shocks me with his quivering and sad tone:

 

“They’re ugly, right? My back is ruined.”

 

I punctuate every word of my answer with a plump kiss: “They are part of you, which means that they’re beautiful. You’re beautiful, so so beautiful...”

 

I hold him tightly until the shuddering of his body subsides. We lie in bed for another half an hour and after having breakfast we decide to go out, not only to breathe fresh air, but we also need to do the shopping if we don’t want to starve. The nearest supermarket is a pretty good place and we look at the products leisurely because we don’t have anything else to do. However, it is quite frustrating that I can’t hold Dominic’s hand; we randomly bump shoulders, squeeze the other’s hand or touch “accidentally” an arm or back for a second.

 

When we get home the first thing I do is to peck Dominic on his right cheek. He smiles bashfully as we enter the kitchen and put away the food in the fridge and pantry. Luna whines and scratches our legs so we also go out to walk her. Unfortunately, it’s Sunday, so all the nosy old neighbours are either taking a walk or coming home from church. Dominic and I have to keep the minimal distance between our bodies and smile politely to every acquaintance we come across who don’t hesitate to snoop around and ask us indiscreet questions about our parents. Most of them shake their heads disapprovingly when they learn that we’re alone, but I tell them that we are responsible and won’t burn down the house.

 

After talking to a particularly annoying neighbour, I grit my teeth and whisper to Dominic that we should go home and throw off the unwanted attention. Imagine what would happen if they knew about our feelings! We would be pointed at; mothers would tell their children that we’re bad and forbid them to talk to us. I don’t doubt it that some of the people would even condemn us to death by stake like in the Middle Age. Not only that we’re homosexuals, we’re even “brothers”. If one could die twice, we would surely “deserve” it in their vision.

 

Seeing how upset I am, Dominic suggests looking on the internet after the legal aspect of our relationship. After reading a few sites, we learn that there is not such a law that allows authorities to take Dominic away; however, if they really want, they could pick at the fact that we might have sexual intercourse. The age of consent for gay men is eighteen, compared to sixteen for heterosexuals and gay women. I think it’s unfair, but it’s not like we’re going to do that anyway. I don’t have any intentions like that in the near future and I’m absolutely positive that Dominic doesn’t, either.

 

“Hey Dominic, don’t you want to continue your piano lessons?” I suggest to take my mind off of unpleasant things.

 

“Of course!” his eyes sparkle as he exclaims and we both go to the white instrument.

 

This lesson is so much more different than our first one! I was a package of nerves back then; the tension between us was so palpable that it was truly smouldering to be in Dominic’s presence. Now, I can put my hand on his knee and our thighs are pressed against each other. I can smile freely when Dominic reaches out and puts a rebellious lock of hair behind my ear, his hand remaining there and stroking my hair.

 

I start playing Für Elise as for me it is the most beautiful confession of pure love ever expressed through music, especially only with a piano. Dominic scoots closer to me and kisses my left cheek and goes lower, his lips never leaving my skin. I whimper when he reaches my jaw and he smiles to himself and teases me even more as his mouth leaves countless impressions upon my neck. My fingers don’t stop their tango on the keys, but it is really hard to concentrate when such stormy, mysterious eyes are watching me and skilful fingers are massaging my scalp.

 

As soon as I finish the piece I wrap my arms around Dominic’s neck and our foreheads unite like we could communicate through thoughts. I’m hot and I’m cold, I’m shuddering with emotion, but I manage to utter the confession that’s been waiting for a while to be told:

 

“I love you, Dominic.”

 

I hide my face in the crook of his neck and Dominic’s hold tightens. My heart almost jumps out of my ribcage as Dominic looks at me with the dreamiest expression I’ve ever seen on his face and whispers back:

 

“I love you too, Matthew. So, so much.”

 

I watch with amazement when he takes my right hand and kisses each finger, with the digits on my left hand receiving the same treatment. Speed of light is nothing compared to the beating of my touched heart; I find myself carried to the sofa and Dominic is rewarding me with looks of sheer love.

 

“I think it’s my fun time, right, Matthew?” he asks half seriously, half mischievously.

 

I nod eagerly and lick my lips anticipating a snogging session, but Dominic decides to go for teasing me: he rolls up my shirtsleeves and draws fine, delicate patterns on my forearms, the pads of his fingers barely touching my skin. I shiver violently, electric, tingling pleasure coursing from my arms down my spine. Dominic then inspects my inner forearm and mutters more to himself:

 

“So white and soft.” His nose travels up and down, a visible bluish vein being traced by the tip of his tongue.

 

I don’t even know if I’m coming or going by this point and I melt into a puddle when Dominic blows air onto my arms.

 

“I guess this trick always works?” he asks cheekily at the sight of goosebumps, referring to the time I did the same when he had a fever.

 

After many minutes, we pant breathlessly in each others arms. Dominic kissed every little patch of skin that was peeking out of my shirt and my neck has never been caressed so much. We kissed for what felt like an eternity, but at the same time I just want more and more. I could never get tired of kissing and I wouldn’t have stopped if it wasn’t for breathing. It’s better that we pause for a while, otherwise something will stir down there.

 

We spend the evening doing normal things, but somehow everything seems new and special when you do it with the person you love. Other times, I would have moaned if we went to bed before eleven o’clock, but I don’t mind now because I know we’ll continue kissing in the comfy bed. We fall asleep tangled into each other.

 

* * * * *

 

The next morning I hear muffled voices in that indescribable state when you float between reality and dream land. I can’t move, I can’t think. I am just in Dominic’s arms.

 

 

“Dominic! Matthew!”

 

How weird that I dream about my parents.

 

 

“Surprise! We came home earlier.”

 

Weird, weird dream. I want Dominic to be the protagonist of my dreams. A door is opened and a chilly draught intrudes in the cozy room.

 

“Good mor…WHAT THE HELL IS THIS?!”

 

I clench my eyelids shut, hoping desperately that this is just a nightmare and it will disappear in a second, but the angry voices broke the silence too violently to be only a mental illusion. My hard-earned paradise vanishes in the blink of an eye and Dominic and I both face the most grotesque chimera we’ve could ever imagined.


	12. When Impossibility Becomes Reality

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Pain and joy.

“Hey, Matt, Mum said you should come downstairs and eat lunch with us,” Robert says cautiously as he peeks in my room.

 

I pull the duvet over my head and grumble a low “no”. Hell, I thought they got my message and would leave me alone after a week of refusing to breathe the same air as them! How could I bear to have them around me; they are the killers of my happiness, my reason to smile. I’ve had the most miserable and lonely week in my entire existence; I curse bitterly as the memory of the parting is replayed in my mind for the umpteenth time.

 

 

_The claws of fear held Dominic and me so forcefully that we were unable to form words, even though we saw the mad impatience shining in the eyes of our parents and siblings. I couldn’t believe that we were so unlucky, therefore anger started smouldering somewhere deep inside me._

 

 

_“Dominic, Matthew, what are you doing?! Are you out of your minds?” Dad raged with his eyes bulging out, face reddening with anger and ready to jump on us._

 

 

_“Guys, we didn’t mean ‘brotherly love’ literally,” Maya horned in rudely, smirking on the threshold and leaning against the door frame as if waiting for a funny show to begin._

 

 

_I glared at her belligerently until Mum sent her and the other kids out of the room and closed the door. Unfortunately, I didn’t notice that Dad’s fury would be concentrated only on Dominic, so his violent verbal attack startled me:_

 

 

_“How dare you, Dominic? How dare you pervert my son? That’s how you thank us for giving you a home and a loving family?”_

 

 

_Poor Dominic just trembled like a pale leaf, his tears streaming down constantly. He shook his head at the accusations, but Dad stepped to him and continued offending him with harsh words:_

 

 

_“Shameless, disgusting, dirty…”_

 

 

_“You don’t even know what happened, Dad! Stop hurting Dominic, he has nothing to do with it!” I screamed, unable to bear the sight of Dominic suffering, the lump in my throat suddenly dissolved by the boiling red anger._

 

 

_Even Mum turned quickly to look at me with her mouth hanging open. She was standing at the window, gripping the sill, but my voice brought her back to the cruel reality._

 

 

_“I was the one who started this,” my fist clenched as I looked with burning eyes at Dad and I embraced Dominic protectively, “and I don’t regret it. Dominic and I love each other.” I squared my shoulders proudly and Dominic hugged me tighter, both of us pleading with our eyes that our parents would let us continue living like this._

 

 

_Mum’s face was showing signs of mitigation and thinking back now, it is very probable that with a bit of convincing, she might have accepted it. However, Dad was unmerciful and ordered Dominic to start packing his most necessary things. My poor blonde complied reluctantly, tears never ceasing their bitter flowing. I pulled my hair and tried everything to convince Dad that there was nothing bad about our relationship, but my honest words fell on deaf ears; I screamed, I begged, I whispered, I cried with desperation, I threatened with doing something to myself, but finally a helpless look from Dominic silenced me._

 

 

_I sat doubled over on the edge of the bed and felt for the first time the seriousness of the situation pressing at the back of my head as if a horse had kicked that sensible part of my body. My thoughts didn’t make sense anymore; I hugged my shivering body and let blankness wrap me in its blunting cloak. Luckily, I heard Mum’s question whispered in Dad’s ear:_

 

 

_“George, where will we take Dominic? Do you think Aunt Margaret will take care of him for a few days?”_

 

 

_Dad nodded, but his eyes flashed, warning Mum to end the discussion._

 

 

_As Dominic’s bag became bigger, my stomach clutched with regret and terror. I wished I would have been able to cry, but for the time being shock kept my fears squashed in its iron grip. Dad paced around the room nervously before he went downstairs to make a phone call. I glanced at Mum and sighed unhappily at the sight of her firm posture. However, something must have touched her because she whispered while rubbing her eyes that she would allow us a couple of minutes in private to bid our farewells to each other._

 

 

_The moment the door closed I sprang to Dominic, took him in my arms and stroked his blonde head soothingly. He sobbed on my chest while I kept saying my apologies, but he refused to listen to them, saying that I was not guilty._

 

 

_“You are right, we didn’t do anything bad,” I stated while bringing him close again._

 

 

_I inhaled his warm smell deeply to fixate it in my memory; I cupped his face to make sure that I’d never forget the shape of it. It hurts even now to remember his watery eyes, eyes which darkened to a leaden-hue whenever their owner felt sad. I didn’t want him to leave, he had become a constant in my unstable life. Our embrace ended when Mum opened the door, but I managed to sneak Dominic’s mobile phone in his bag and whisper “I love you” in his ear before he was pulled out of the room._

 

 

_In the moment when not even our fingertips could touch anymore I ceased to live; my vital spark died out with the forced departure of the most precious thing in my existence…_

 

 

_After long minutes of crying and pummelling a guiltless pillow, I managed to brace myself up in the behalf of Dominic. I had to be strong for him and our love; I wanted to prove to everyone that I was a survivor fed upon the wonderful moments spent beside Dominic. Right in that moment my telephone vibrated. It was a message from him:_

 

 

**“Arrived at your aunt’s. I won’t be allowed to leave the house and will be controlled 24/7. Have to be careful with phone. Miss u. :(“**

 

 

_I didn’t even know what to do; I felt like breaking something, crying my heart out and screaming helplessly at the same time. We exchanged a few messages until Mum walked in on me (I’ve always been the unluckiest man ever!) and confiscated the only tool of communication left. My tantrum was in vain because I didn’t get the phone back. I bet that Mum called Aunt Margaret immediately and Dominic’s phone had the same fate as mine._

 

I wipe away my tears (I can’t think about the grievous parting without crying) as I hear footsteps approaching. I hate letting people know about the chaos governing my inner life, though actually, I would like to disclose my feelings if it had a point, if it made my parents see that I’m not feigning my pain. I turn with my back towards the door and tug the duvet up to my nose. I can tell from the swish of the clothes that Mum is the person who entered my room. The bed bounces a bit under her weight and she starts the usual persuasive speech:

 

“Matt, sweetie, come and eat with us! You barely leave the room nowadays; I hope you don’t want to turn into a hermit!”

 

 

My mind barely registers the words; I watch absentmindedly as the wind ruffles through some colourless leaves outside. The branches move back and forth violently, foretelling a possible blizzard. _I just hope Dominic has a warm and safe place to stay. If he can’t get the things which make his heart happy, at least he should enjoy the best conditions possible._

 

“Matthew, are you even listening to me?” Mum asks with concern and shakes my forearm lightly, “I see that you’re not ready to go to school yet, so I let you stay home this week to prepare for it. I told your form teacher that you’re sick.”

 

I shrug carelessly; school is the smallest concern of mine right now. I wouldn’t be able to pay attention during classes and I wouldn’t have the mood and patience to be an active participant like I used to be. I realised that there are more important things in life; I wish people would see that we concentrate on foolish, unessential things. Life is not about certificates, degrees, money or fame; we have to understand that there is more to our existence than meets the eye.

 

Mum sighs hopelessly and leaves muttering under her breath. Bianca comes in my room later; to be honest her presence is welcomed every time. She was supporting me from the first day because, unlike the others, she somehow grasped that my relationship with Dominic was not exclusively physical. It’s rather ironic that despite her blindness, she was the only one who noticed the growing affection between Dominic and me. She nestles beside me and my fingers touch her hair in the next second like they they would be attracted to it as iron to magnet. In the back of my head I wish these were blonde tufts of hair and I also wish greyish eyes would look back at me with a pleased twinkle reflecting in them.

 

“Matty, don’t be sad! Everything will be fine,” Bianca says encouragingly, but I just sigh in response.

 

“I wish you were right, but I haven’t heard of Dominic for a lot of days,” I mumble shyly, “I thought Mum would at least tell me he’s all right or something.”

 

“I know you’ll be fine. I dreamed last night that you and Dominic were sitting at a lakeside hand in hand,” Bianca smiles mysteriously as she recollects the images her brain came up with on the previous night.

 

The things I admire the most in my little sister is the serenity with which she waits for things and bravery with which she faces them. She’s always so calm and hopes for the better; I think her positive attitude attracts the love of other people.

 

I roll my eyes as our peaceful conversation is interrupted by Dad. Is today “Pay depressed Matt a pity visit Day” or what?! He narrows his eyes as he inspects me, but I doubt that he can read anything from my pokerface. I notice a plate full of chocolate muffins in his hand, but I refuse to be bribed. Does Dad seriously believe that a couple of muffins are enough to efface the pain he caused by taking Dominic away? For Christ’s sake, I’m not a five-year old child!

 

“Matthew, your mother baked your favourite dessert! I thought you’d be more enthusiastic about it,” he says half in disappointment, half threateningly.

 

 _Look at the walls and block out any noises_ I tell myself.

 

It’s easier and easier day after day; it seems that parents absolutely loathe to be ignored, so my strategy is always successful: they soon tire of waiting for a response and leave me alone. Dad does the same and he must have reported the events to Mum because I hear her crying out:

 

“Matthew is scaring me with this indifferent attitude! He’s insensitive and cold to everything. George, we have to do something! What if we bring back…”

 

“No,” Dad interrupts harshly, “I will have none of it! We talked about this previously and I don’t agree with it. End of discussion.”

 

If I had any hopes at Mum’s suggestion they were crushed by Dad’s cruel answer. I wave goodbye at my old self and I have to acquiesce somehow to the thought of never seeing Dominic again. I don’t doubt that I will die of a broken heart.

 

* * * * *

 

I look at the clock: it’s two in the morning. Now I can be sure that everybody is already asleep, so I can sneak downstairs to procure food. I know, I became a pathetic creature. I eat hungrily and search in the cupboards for biscuits and other edible stuffs that I can bring upstairs. As I’m crossing the living room, I glimpse the piano and it is enough to make me deviate from my way. I feel that I have to play, even with the risk of getting caught.

 

This place has so many memories about the pleasant hours Dominic and I spent here that I simply just can’t remain indifferent. I start playing different tunes, though I soon realise that they were Dominic’s favourites. I’m sobbing violently and I suddenly find myself in a comforting embrace; an embrace which always calmed me down in my childhood.

 

Mum carries me to the sofa and she places me on her lap. I feel like a little child again when Mum would calm me down after a nightmare. Honestly, I welcome wholeheartedly the care. She’s rocking me gently and whispering soothing things even after my tears run out. The warmness and feeling of safety lull me to sleep, but luckily Mum carries me in my bed. She strokes my forehead and the familiar “everything will be all right” incantation flies me to the land of dreams.

 

* * * * *

 

It’s probably morning because I feel something pulling me back to reality. _Mmmh, I can feel Dominic’s smell…what a nice dream! But I can’t see him, where is he? Oh, is that his cheek pressing against mine? Something tickles my face, probably his soft angelic blonde locks. How I wish this was true! We’re probably in a garden – I can feel the lovely perfume of roses._ The lightest kiss on my cheek and my body is flooded with sweetness, but unfortunately, I wake up.

 

I blink sleepily a few times, however, a peck on my nose makes my eyes bug out in shock. _Am I still dreaming?_ The cutest giggle I’ve ever heard rings in the morning air and as my vision becomes clear, I see Dominic looking at me fondly and smiling.

 

“I thought you’d never wake up,” he whispers and slips even closer to my bed.

 

I sit up very fast and still gawking, touch his face, hair, neck, arms, but incredibly, he feels solid under my fingers.

 

“Oh my god, are you real?!” I shriek loudly, unable to stop my tears as I jump in Dominic’s arms and wind my legs around his waist. “But how?”

 

He whispers “later”, rubs my back and kisses my hair while I soak awkwardly his neck and shirt with my tears of joy. I come to a few minutes later and I can’t stop kissing Dominic’s face while he giggles and hugs me tighter.

 

“I brought something for you,” he whispers and hands me a red rose, “it seems a recurring theme in our lives, right?”

 

I gulp emotionally…the red rose is the symbol of passionate love. To prove him, I initiate a long and sweet kiss which leaves both of us breathless. We eventually lie down in the bed and without ceasing our snuggle, I ask Dominic to tell me how he got back.

 

“Oh, that’s a long story. But don’t worry, I didn’t run away or something like that. I’m legally here,” Dominic answers grinning and waves at somebody standing in the door.

 

I turn and I see Mum watching us with great fondness, a tear shining on her eyelashes. Before she exits the room, I mutter “Thank you so much!” and send a kiss.

 

Bianca was right. Everything is fine. Very fine, I must admit since I got back the apple of my eye, Dominic. I got back my joy, I got back my reason to live.


	13. Epilogue

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> A final confession.

Some people might think that I went crazy and, though it is a secret, they are right. I am crazy for this blonde that smiles at me like I am the most precious thing in the world. You cannot blame me for grinning like a loony when I wake up, when I walk to school or at the most random moments like now, in the middle of a Science class. A glance to the right and my heart fleets at the sight of Dominic.

We sometimes catch the other staring and we both blush and laugh to ourselves. Although I’m dying to touch him or hold his hand in public, a secret love definitely has its charms. I’m on fire the whole time; a single glimpse or impish smile sent my way inspires in me the greatest passion. Hehe, though I have to confess that sometimes I also torture Dominic in very subtle ways: I leave little notes on his bench or hide rose petals in his books. It’s funny to watch the way he squirms when he finds these signs and I know that he would “avenge” it with something even more excruciatingly sweet.

But do not think that we are allowed to do anything at home. Oh no, not at all. Although my parents finally realised how much we need each other, they told us clearly that we must temper ourselves. No kissing, no touching or anything similar in front of our siblings or friends, otherwise they will contact Sally, the social worker, and the authorities. So we are restricted to our room which is very fine with us; these walls have been anyway the witnesses of our sweetest moments.

I can’t imagine starting the day without at least a kiss from Dominic and I wouldn’t sleep well if he wasn’t holding my hand when I fall asleep. I’m truly grateful that my parents let us continue our relationship; I know that they risk a lot for us: their excellent renown and people’s trust and respect. Hopefully, we’ll prove to them that this was a wise decision and I have this feeling that they will be proud of us.

 

What more can I say? I’m eagerly waiting for the following years and wonders that we’ll go through together. I’m not afraid as long as Dominic’s hand is holding mine because he will lead me on the best path: the path of love and mirth. Or, as the great Sinatra expressed it: _the best is yet to come._

 

__

My dear Dominic, until our love is allowed to be free,  _silently I dream of you_ …


End file.
